Printmaster

I feel a bit like a genius. I managed to print a document from my e-mail, but I forgot to connect wires to the computer. That means it connected by wi-fi as the tech gremlins intended. Granted, it printed four copies versus only one, but I’ll take what I can get.

Read Full Post »

COVID19 Round Three

I’m going to express what might be an unpopular opinion, but I think it’s important for people to understand and consider. As a country, as a global community, we’ve endured and are still enduring a terrible physical and emotional trauma due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. That’s it: we’re still going through the pandemic, because even though we’re done with this virus it’s not done with us. COVID-19 is still mutating.

You can get COVID-19 more than once. You can get it whether you’re vaccinated for it or not; it’s far better to be vaccinated if you do get COVID because you’re more likely to have a milder case. That’s what happened to me. I’ve had this bastard THREE TIMES. Thank whatever magic was sprinkled into Paxlovid because that stuff reduced duration and severity as compared with the first two times I had COVID19.

But also, who the fuck has COVID19 THREE TIMES, you ask? People with compromised immune systems, that’s who. That’s why we still need people to get vaccinated; follow up with the second round; and get your boosters.

Let me just say having COVID19 three times?

That was fun. Paxovlid is an antiviral medication specifically for COVID19 patients who are immunosuppressed, and are considered under emergency conditions. There are restrictions when you take it ie. contraindications on the medication with other medications. I had to stop taking my Humira for the entire duration of Paxlovid, which is five days. Then you have to tack on two weeks, and all symptoms of illness plus positive testing being gone. Humira does this thing where I guess it’s like it “borrows” from your immune system in order to work, so it weakens the immune system as a result. Due to the Fibro, PsA, RA, and Asthma, I’m already immune-compromised. That was why I made sure that before I started Humira I received every vaccination I could for my age range including pneumonia.

I had to also stop taking most of my asthma meds for ten days; no Breo Ellipta or other inhalers; but I can take my Singulair. I had to stop taking Wellbutrin too. It’s been rough regarding that last one, but I can actually start taking those again. I just have to wait on the Humira.

It’s really tough explaining to others why I hesitate to go out in public until I go out to do something simple like get my hair done and then I get COVID19. I have trouble explaining why going out to eat, or bowling, or a big party is incredibly stressful for me to consider. There’s the agoraphobia I’ve always dealt with. Unfortunately the pandemic made the agoraphobia much worse. My psychiatrist told me that was understandable, of course, and she validated my concerns throughout the pandemic. Quarantine is more complicated for me, especially when there are rules regarding various medications and who in the house goes where. Contact tracing, in other words.

There are only a couple of safe zones I have, like a friend’s house and my mom’s house. My sisters-in-law are safe too. I have high anxiety going into doctor’s offices so I still do the telemed appointments as often as possible. When I can’t, and I have to actually physically attend the appointment, it’s very stressful, emotionally draining, and physically taxing. There’s also a high risk of getting sick. Nearly every time I have to go to an appointment I get sick. I’ve been lucky since starting the Humira.

I want to get another booster, and in fact I’m supposed to get another full shot, so I suppose may as well before I have to start the Humira again. I’d really rather not get COVID19 a 4th time, you know?

This past time was easier, relatively speaking, than the first two times. It wasn’t as severe and didn’t last as long. I mean, I’m still recovering but I feel really good. My worst continuing symptom is a lingering mild phlegmy cough. I’m also really, really tired very easily but that’s nothing new considering that I deal with Chronic Fatigue.

So this last time, I didn’t have the worst sort throat ever; I had a terrible dry cough, which is now phlegmy. I just wanted to sleep but had trouble partially due to my cat wanting to keep me awake and, I’m guessing, make sure I wasn’t dying. Lack of appetite, very thirsty, etc.

Seriously, my cat was like, “Mahm, hi, here I am, let’s snuggle. Peek-a-fuking-boo, ok? I love you eyes, Mahm. Mahm, why you sleeping? Mahm? I’ma smack that ear bud into your ear canal, kay now? Mahm? Don’t die, kay? I’m a take care of you, I love you eyes, peek-a-boooo.”

Ahem. I’m still tired. My cat has an issue or three that we need to work out, you know? But she’s like 14 or 15 this month and I cut her a break because old people like my cat have trouble sleeping and sometimes just want company in the middle of the night.

Erm…

I haven’t eaten out in a restaurant since COVID started. Don’t be shocked or feel bad for me. Okay, maybe once? There may have been a first communion party for a nephew somewhere? Generally speaking I can’t think of a single time, if I’m being honest. There’s just been too much anxiety involved. The agoraphobia grips me so drastically I can barely breathe. Before you ask, yes, we’ve had take-out delivery. What’s the difference? Exposure, for one. Secondly, there’s a decision in there to trust that the people making our food and delivering it are safe. My Mister Dude likes to pick up the take-out, but he works out of the house and goes out shopping and whatnot. He doesn’t have my anxiety or disabilities, thank goodness. My kids also enjoy ordering delivery.

It’s more intimate ordering food than other types of deliveries, and I understand that. Eating with someone else’s utensils at someone else’s table, and trusting that they’re cleanly enough? Trusting that the other customers sitting in aren’t sick? It’s too much. Ordering delivery is a step with an implied trust pact.

In normal dining situations, we have adjusted our implied trust pacts so that that if you’re in a group of people, the rules of viral, bacterial, germ safety are being followed by everyone. It’s incredibly difficult for me to trust people to begin with, hence the agoraphobia and other anxieties. When it comes to food in social groups and dining with people I don’t know it’s too much to ask.

I find it almost amusing that agoraphobia is difficult to explain to people who have had what amounts to situational agoraphobia due to the pandemic. Almost. Almost, because people think I’m paranoid about the pandemic. COVID isn’t done with us. We have the vaccine, and I trust it. I trust the science. I’ve made the conscious choice to trust it. I also trust the fact that because society in general has decided to behave as if COVID isn’t a concern because some people are vaccinating and some are wearing masks that it’s going to continue mutating. At some point, the current vaccine will have to be adjusted and blended or whatever it is they do to account for a mutation that is aggressive and says,

“Vaccine? What vaccine! I defy you! You are nothing!”

Um.

Don’t look at me like that. It’s just how a virus works. We already see mutations aka variants. This virus works overtime to try to murder Humanity.

I’m not paranoid.

Read Full Post »

A Trade Is A Trade

Happy New Year, loves. I hope that in spite of the chaos occurring politically in our country (a separate blog post) your year is beginning in a way that you can live with. I was hoping that with my first entry of the year I could put a smile on your face.

After Luna passed away, we still have one cat, Daisy who is 12 years old until July.

We also have a dog, Leo, also known as Satan, You Asshole, Il Bastardo, Fucker, Bad Dog, What The Fuck Did You Do, and Good Dog. Leo is 4 yrs old until April. Today’s story is about Leo. Disclaimer prior to the story, though: Leo is one of the most spoiled dogs you ever will meet. He answers to Leo, Sweet Boy. Okay, yes, sometimes he answers to Asshole.

Leo is very smart. We’re always amazed at the things he understands and figures out. He understands some ASL, and has even created some doggie versions of Sign Language to communicate. He mimics sit, no, yes as best he can with his paws. He created a couple of signs with paw motions for fur scratching, belly rubbing, etc., plus some particular body language and vocalizations; we’ve tried to train him to have manners since we have family and friends and mailpersons who aren’t Dog People.

There are the typical behaviors trained into him like going to a door to request to go outside and whatnot, and training tricks. It took several weeks to train him out of trying to sincerely, affectionately “hug” people. How -does he do that? This 80+ Malinois springs to his hind legs and tried to engulf people with his front legs. If someone is willing to hug, we had to train a “proper” hug to be over someone’s forearm but more importantly, the command to stay down.

He uses the sign for “stay down” if I get up from the couch. He uses his version of “sit” when he wants me to sit down if I come into the living room. He understands the concepts when someone other than he is sad, hurt, angry, happy, sorry, thankful, love, proud. When I’ve noticed he seems to be feeling an emotion… note I said seems to be… I’ve tried to attach a word to it to give it meaning. If I’ve accidentally stepped on his foot, I apologize, sweet talk, but I’ve gotten down to eye level and sign “I’m sorry” to him. When he’s seemed sad, I assigned the sign for “tears” and then if I’ve been sad, used it for myself. He once came to me and move my hand so my fingers dragged across his face to show he was sad when I didn’t understand that when he dragged his paw over his face that was what he was saying.

His intelligence is what gets him in trouble frequently. He was being fresh one day and stole some mail. He refused to drop it, so I took one of his high value toys to trade it. He refused. I said, “Is this Mommy’s horn or Leo’s horn? If Leo drops the the mail, Mommy drops the horn. Oh, he dropped the mail, but then made an end run around me, grabbed the TV remote under the table, then raced back to knock the buffalo horn out of my hands and race back under the table with it.

That day, it was 0 Mommy, 2 Leo. The mail was soggy with bite marks. So that happened.

Leo’s favorite toy has always been his Black Bone. It’s indestructible. It makes squeaky noises when he chews it. He can chew it while hold it upright, sideways, any way at all. He chews it while he’s sitting, saying down, laying upside down with the bone dangling over his face, held in his weird Malinois webbed flexy finger-paws. He tries to play tug o’ war with it. He likes it to be thrown, if only he lets it go when he brings it to you. He’s still working on learning “fetch.” He likes to toss it himself, watching it bounce. He becomes heartbroken if it’s lost.

He lost it several weeks ago. He received some new toys at Christmas, and enjoys them, but they’re not the same.

Then on Saturday my youngest Brother came over with a milk crate full of Dog! Toys! that included a Black Bone. He loves Uncle Mommy’s Brother, but now Uncle Mommy’s Brother is his favorite uncle.

Yesterday, Sunday, I had a small bowl with plain mashed potatoes. Leo knows that begging isn’t allowed. No one in the house has ever been allowed to indulge begging from the plate. Instead, when we have dog-safe fresh fruits and veggies, I let him have tastes of those safe ingredients. Some he likes better cooked or pureed and put into the toys that use purees since we don’t use nut butters. Due to taste testing, he knows what potatoes smell like although usually he’d get a taste in a thin slice, no seasoning. I never make him do tricks for these tastes. When he does tricks for special treats, it’s because those treats are rare ie. hence the name “treat.”

It was my bowl, however. I told him “No tastes, sorry.” He walked away and came back to put Black Bone on my lap. I thought he was asking me to throw it. He didn’t want to take it back, he wanted it on my lap. He looked at the bone back on my lap, then the my bowl, and his verbalization that means “taste, please.” I realized he was asking for a trade: a taste of the mashed potatoes for the Black Bone, his highest value toy.

How in the world was I supposed refuse? He would have accepted the refusal. But a trade? is that even normal for a smart dog to figure out to request? I admit that after four years, I put a dab on my fingertip and let him taste the mashed potato. He gently took it, savored it, then lay down in front of me completely satisfied. I told him what a Smart Dog he is, what a Good Dog. I named what he did… a trade… that it was Very Smart. I told him he was a Good Dog for No Begging. He seemed proud. I was really proud.

He let me finish the bowl of potatoes without asking for another taste. He didn’t ask anyone else to taste their food. He just lay down near me. He stayed there, and didn’t ask for Black Bone back. I offered for him to take it, and I swear he seemed offended. I offered it a second time, and he turned his face away.

A trade is a trade.

When it was time for me to go upstairs, I didn’t offer the toy back to him, but I did tell him I was putting it away. We’ve been putting toys away in the milk crate ie Toy Box, so he was content with that. Today, he won’t play with the bone.

I think my eldest daughter and I have come up with a solution, because I really don’t want him to be sad that his favorite toy now belongs to someone else.

The next time he steals something that doesn’t belong to him, I’ll have to offer the Black Bone back in trade.

Read Full Post »

A Little Bit of Change

EDITED AGAIN:

I changed the header image, if you’ve checked, to lilacs. If I remember correctly this was from a photo I took of a neighbor’s lilacs a few years ago. I’ll keep the lilacs until I can figure out what I’m doing. Since they changed to this weird block writing nonsense, I’ve been having some problems with all of my tools.

*************************************

EDITED:

WELL WELL WELL that didn’t go as planned. The changes back to Misty didn’t work. I think I’ll try again.

*************************************

You may notice that I decided to go back to the Misty Theme again. It’s still my favorite, even when I make my own changes to it. With Autumn actually feeling like it’s here, and trees changing color, the scene of the bridge in the forest is the magical version of Autumn.

October always felt a little magical to me. It’s when the leaves change, and the air turns crisp and cool. If you didn’t have the sense to see or feel those things, you could still smell the difference in the leaves. In New England, you can smell the corn husks as people start to put them in decorations around the yard. There are the hay bales used for various things, including temporary seats on porches. Hay in its hint of grassiness, shifted to has its own special scent, added to the earthiness.

So, here we are with an old favorite.

Read Full Post »

Grace Us With “Enough” (and Gerunds)

Hi, Loves.  I’d like to start this morning with a simple prayer. [Update: I pray as a Christian, but if you identify with another religion please feel free to adjust my prayer for your needs.  If you’re not religious, that’s okay too.  Send this out as positive thoughts and energy and imagine yourself releasing the negative energy in one color, and the positive energy coming into you is a lighter, more beautiful color.  I imagine God’s Grace this way, actually  🙂   ]

In Jesus’ name I pray,

All too often, we don’t make room in our hearts for you.  Please help remove what hurts us so much, and fill us with your Grace.
May we be able to take just a few minutes to close our eye and concentrate on listening to our breath; counting to five as we breathe in; counting to six as we breathe out; doing this ten times, relaxing our thoughts as well as our bodies
May we be more mindful of our responses, attitudes, and behaviors
May we listen more than we speak today, so that we may understand others even if we disagree
May our expectations for ourselves today be simple
May we release our expectations of others today
Let us release our expectations of the day
May we understand that *perfection is not the true goal for any of us
May what we accomplish today be Enough
May today be Enough
May we be enough, and know that we are loved

Amen

 

 

 

*Footnote:  I truly, honestly would love it if the word “perfection” and all permutations of it were dropped.  There are so many other positive adjectives, adverbs, and yes… I’ll even bring gerunds into the mix.  Yup, I said it.  Gerunds: the backbone of the English language. ;-P

Read Full Post »

The Deculturing of America

We thought the nation had gone round the bend for voting for W.Bush into the Presidency with his bumbling; yet his intelligence, charisma, and ability to unite people was enough to get him reelected.  Of course most people who did reelect him regretted it. We were so certain that our nation was fracturing from the pressure of the issues caused by the military conflicts and domestic political differences that he and VP Cheney were at the heart of.

We fought hard to sort that out; we were still working on sorting it out with President Obama, fighting to overcome global community’s view that we aren’t concerned with:

1. 1. our leaders being educated or
   2. inherited Eurocentric imperialistic attitude
   3. an inability to self-police human rights violations and war crimes
   4. the rights of all of our citizens
   5. the fact that our politics, attitudes, actions affect not only our nation but globallyPost President Obama, and that list is longer than my left arm. We can thank certain politicians who encouraged the fanatical extremist evangelistic religious right and tea partiers to take up a torch, run for office, and lobby hard. We ended up with men who were willing to allow a criminal onto the GOP ticket, without vetting him, even as he made disqualifying comments about his intentions for the presidency frequently including his intent ignore the U.S. Constitution.

The GOP thought they could puppet this man because their Vice President pick, a thoroughbred tea partier fanatical extremist evangelist on the religious right, a man as corrupt and neck deep in campaign corruption, election corruption, and corruption all throughout the new administration. They were wrong. Instead there was already a hostile foreign puppeteer’s hand up the devil’s arsehol… err… the man they chose had already been corrupted years ago by a hostile foreign nation and been approached in his campaign. There wasn’t room for a second set of hands up there. And then scandal after scandal has ensued.

Scandal is the wrong word. We have to find a different word, because “scandal” minimizes” what this uneducated, un-presidential, divisive, racist, bigoted, misogynistic, sadistic, ableist, chaotic, anti-government, anti-veteran, anti-education, incompetent, weak, unintelligent, boorish, gauche, pro quid-pro quo, unpatriotic, anti-American faux president has been doing to our country.The entire presidency has been an extended exercise in abuse on a massive scale by a man who is being allowed to use more power than he legally is allowed to use for personal gain, for petty revenge, and to aid countries who are not our allies.

I almost…. al.most long for the days of W.B. Then I remember we were lucky enough to have President Obama.

We’re still a young country, but one might still think that by 2020 we’d be much more enlightened than we are now. I mean, we elected a Black American for our President. Twice. With a House and Senate both packed against him he still managed to get a lot of good things done, but was blocked on far more.  He was mistreated beyond belief. Effigies of him were burned in the streets and hung.  We’re still fighting over the rights of marginalized groups of people in this country, and whether their rights infringe upon religious groups and supremacy groups rights to behave in hate speech and hate acts. Obviously, nah.

We’re still fighting over whether people deserve the right to live and expect affordable health care and health care coverage.

It’s become, somehow, a “far left wing liberal agenda” to believe that Human Rights, Civil Rights, Women’s Rights, Children’s Rights, Disability Rights, etc. et al, are important ideals to not only uphold but to fight for and encourage. That it’s an extreme idea. That these “extreme” ideas, these “extreme left liberal” ideas are something hateful and not a true entitlement. The words Democrat, Liberal, and Left are spat out like they’re epithets or slurs. I mean, sure, there actually is a far left but in the current Democratic Party, the most liberal of them aren’t nearly as liberal as “far left” gets. That’s a whole different post, differentiating aspects of different parties.

It’s a left wing liberal agenda to believe that every United States citizen deserves equal rights to be given a free and equal education. It’s a left wing liberal agenda to believe that people of color in the United States do not deserve to be receive police brutality, and that police reform needs to occur. That’s not a liberal agenda. That’s Human Rights. That’s Civil Rights.

If you poke around the internet, say, Twitter to start, you’ll notice that people dedicated to Trump politics until their dying breath, will hatefully vomit up that “liberalism is a mental illness.” Aside from the obvious issues I would have with that as a disability advocate, this is just one extreme example of the Us vs Them mentality I’ve mentioned in the past. It’s an example of encouraged hatred and division. Every word coming from Trump’s mouth, every single staged photo, every publicly scripted act since the death of George Floyd a little over a week ago has been intentionally divisive, corrosive, and encourages more violence. He’s taken the approach of Him + MAGA & Military Might vs Not Racist Americans.

The message is that those fucking Democratics and god damn fucking nutters who who side with them don’t deserve to be viewed as humans, individuals, sane, to be treated humanely, deserving of living, or hey even health coverage. Simply disagreeing with actions, speech, and particular ideas has become “left wing liberal conspiracy to bring down ‘real American patriots'” and you can guess who the real America patriots are. Not Democratics. Only those people who tow the Trumpian GOP line. If you’re a Republican that doesn’t stand with Trump, he’ll threaten to rip your life to shreds. If you’re serving in Office, he’ll threaten to destroy you. Publicly. With him? There isn’t any room for discussion or real argument.

You may notice I’m differentiating Trumpian GOP from something else. The “something else” would be the Republican Party as it was intended to be, before the Tea Party warped it into something unrecognizable. The other “something else” would of course be the Tea Party who I think also would qualify as “the religious right.”

The Trumpian GOP isn’t truly Republican in any form we’ve ever seen. The Administration as it is now? The GOP Tea Party with Trump sitting in that tea? It isn’t anything I think that GOP TP wanted. Again, this belongs in another post differentiating aspects within each party.

So going the long way round, I come back to this.

It’s worrying when I see and hear people saying that this isn’t the America they know; this isn’t America. I may feel as if I’m waking up in a parallel nightmare universe every single day, but I have no delusions that this isn’t how America really is. The evidence is in front of us in the daily news cycle; we can look back at every daily news cycle for the past 5 years. Racism has always existed in this country. We inherited that as colonists and slave owners. We fought a Civil War over it. We started a Civil Rights Movement over it. It’s always been there. The flames were fanned when we had a Black President because racists, White Supremacists, simply couldn’t handle it. The White Supremacist in the highest office of our land has made it appear more acceptable, since he encourages racism and wants to increase the brutality of our police.

I’d always heard from certain people that race relations were fine, racism wasn’t such a big deal any longer, that POC were just using the Race Card just like disabled people use the Disabled Card, to get a leg up on other people when it’s not deserved. Which is guess means is every time someone notices someone is not white or someone is disabled or they’re part of another protected class that they can’t discriminate against.

He allows his Secretary of Education to break down our education system, just as when she ruined her own state’s education system. I mean, yes he’s breaking down each aspect of the government and social services, entitlements, benefits, etc. He told us that’s what he wanted during the campaign. No one believed him, or it was ignored, but he told us. It’s what he’s been doing. It should has disqualified him.

But hey, for a second, let’s look at history. I’s the dictatorships and medieval kingdoms that preferred keeping their citizenry uneducated.  If they’re uneducated, then an automatic inequality between the gentry and the masses. The People don’t realize there’s a problem because they have no choice but to believe the spoken words and decrees of their leadership. Again,there’s no possibility of equality. Any chance of learning about history, philosophy, maths, sciences, arts, and how to teach others the same with new ideas, how to research, is stifled and again… there’s no chance of equality. What is learned is controlled. How it’s learned is controlled.

The more we, the masses, are educated and encouraged to think things through logically, independently the more we understand when we’re being duped. We recognize propaganda and misinformation more easily.

We know better when our rights are being trampled upon.

We are more likely to use our voices collectively to fight for and demand our rights be recognized because trust me, they won’t be freely given.

Whether we’re women, disabled, a POC especially now when there are peaceful protests; or if we’re part of another marginalized group, we’re more likely to use our voices collectively to fight for those whose voices might not be loud enough, and encourage others to do the same, by showing them they’re not alone.

We’re more likely to demand to be treated equally.

We’re more likely to work in better jobs; we’re less likely to have very large families that would be guaranteed to keep us in poverty.

The more educated, the less poverty. The less poverty, the less control a government has over abusing the people. The governing force is no longer forcing the people to work for it, but now the governing force must drop the farce and work for the people.

The fight is against a reduced, concentrated government; a government-enforced poverty in order to maintain its own dominance and wealth. Some administrations are more guilty of this than others.

So I purged. A lot. I feel better. I may come back and read some of this later and be like, hmmm, let’s edit that. But feelings are feelings. So this might be a good place for me to ta-ta on out. Talk to ya later, loves.

Read Full Post »

No, Jesus; When To Gently Avert Jesus’ Eyes

Do you have siblings?

I do. I have two brothers, both younger. BroOne, who has two daughters, is two years younger than I am. BroTwo, who has two sons, is ten years younger than I am. Yes… I’m the eldest. In case you haven’t been able to tell from my writing over the years and my parenting style, I’m an eldest child.

Are you close to your siblings?

When I was growing up, I wasn’t close to BroOne but I was loyal to him. We had a lot of sibling rivalry, which I’m sure my shrink would say is due to the fact that we’re two years apart. [NOTE: That’s what she says is the reason my lovely Dear Girl has rivalous feelings towards Sweet Girl and Darling Girl. SIDE NOTE 2: Eldest of mine, Dear Girl and I chatted, and she shall henceforth be known as Bunny. That is all] We fought constantly as kids. My mom tells this story, which I remember because I was so distressed: I was little and he was a baby. I had this amazing little musical carousel for little kids, and it was one of my favorite toys. It ranked up there with Barbie dolls. We’re talking serious child currency, here. Well, my mom played the musical carousel for my tiny brother and I was devastated she took my toy and “gave” it to him without asking. I took it back, hefted it under one arm, and stomped down the stairs declaring the whole way down that it wasy MY toy, NOT my brother’s, and he wasn’t allowed to touch it. My mom didn’t do that again. She asked to share other toys that had less value to me after that, ha ha. I think that set the tone for our entire childhood and majority of our teen years.

We, BroOne and I, began to fight less frequently in high school. I think it’s because we were both out of the house less, and a lot of our friends were siblings to each other. There was always loyalty, though. We may have driven my mother up and down every wall in the house due to our constant fighting and bickering, but when it mattered we were loyal to each other. I hated seeing him in serious trouble, so I started to protect him at home when I could. Once, I locked him out of the house when my parents were out and he was so angry with me he tried to kick the door in. It was a wood door, and getting old, and it cracked in a few places. We had to press the door back into place but the cracks were huge. We found wood glue, filled them in, and then found wood stain to match it to the door. It was a bonding moment. Ha, see what I did there? Wenever told my parents until I told my mom after they were planning to replace that door. She still couldn’t tell the door had been essentially broken since I was 14/15 years old.

And of course, no one could bully him in school. No one. I’ve always been anti-bully, but to family? Oh no.

We got a lot closer when he met his now-wife. We’re close enough now that he’s Godfather to two of my daughters; I’m Godmother to both of his daughters. I have a great relationship with his wife, and always have. She’s an incredible woman, wife, and mother. I envy her in a lot of ways. I’ll bet she’d be shocked to know that. That said, we have a lot of things in common in our lives including health issues, but mostly in our views on life and parenting. I would do anything for BroOne and SisOne. Their girls are like my own daughters. People say that, but having daughters of my own, I know what that love feels like.

I think I was closer to BroTwo when we were younger. Since he was born when I was a skinny little ten year old girl, and I was thrilled to have a baby in the house, I helped take care of him. I didn’t even mind most nights when he woke up to be fed and changed; I would change him and warm his bottle so my mom could feed him. Sometimes I would feed him myself during the night, just snuggling on my bed. I begged to have him in my room. His crib was in my room until he was three years old. I learned how to care for a baby, and as he got older I learned to babysit during the summers. I loved it. We had a rough couple of years, which I believe I blogged about at one point. We have a much, much better relationship now, but it’s not like it was. We’re still working on it, finding the balance. I’m not sure he feels the distance, but what’s really good is that since his boys were born it’s been easier to relate to his wife. I love them, I love those boys. I love spending time with them. They’re generous and BroTwo is Godfather to Bunny. That’s important to me.

Do you visit your siblings often?

We try to visit with them as often as we can. We live about 18 miles away from my brothers, and around the same from our parents. When we bought our house, we were in a stage where we needed some physical space from the family where no one could simply drop in without calling first. It’s different when family lives anywhere between 2-to-6 miles away. Now, 14 years later, we miss that closeness. I think part of it has to do with the fact that my brothers both have children, and also miss getting to see my nieces and nephews from my Spousal Unit’s side more often too.

I never thought, growing up, that I would feel a need to be physically close to all of our siblings. I guess we’re lucky that they’re only about 20 minutes or so away, for the most part. One of my husband’s sisters lives about 40 minutes away. They’re all in state, so there’s that. We mostly see each other at my parents’ house but that may be changing. We also see each other for events we might host at a restaurant or something, or another family member does.

Do you babysit your siblings’ children?

Most often, when I do babysit, it’s BroTwo’s and SisOne’s girls. Recently, Darling Girl [my youngest, 13 years old] and I went to BroTwo’s house to babysit all four Littles. Both of my brothers and their wives had an event to attend, and it made sense. GoddaughterOne is seven years old now, so she’s not quite so little, but her sister, GoddaughterTwo is three years old. NephewFour [we have three nephews on my husband’s side of the family] is also three years old, and his little brother, NephewFive is two years old.

My brothers left pizza and we had a lot of [tiring] fun that evening. It had been awhile since I’d cared for multiple toddlers before; not since my best friend’s children were toddlers at the same time Bunny and Sweet Girl were toddlers.

While watching the kids, I was thankfully able to use the ladies’ room due to having brought my youngest daughter. LIFE HACK: When you babysit multiple toddlers, limit your fluids that evening.

BroTwo has crucifixes on nearly every wall in his home, and images of Jesus on several walls. He’s very, very dedicated and passionate in his Faith. He has several statues around the house too. Upstairs he has a beautiful, simple, distraction-free prayer room.

While in the ladies’ room, I noticed one or two religious inspirational quotes sticky-noted to the mirror. One says, “God, Others, Self,” which is kind of nice.

As a child, whenever my parents or the priest during homily or my CCD teachers would say,

“God is always watching you; Jesus knows your heart and is always watching,”

I would always, always get nervous not because I have something to hide but because I wanted to ask if that included showering and using the toilet and changing my clothes. Therefore…. The statue of Jesus on the window sill of my brother’s bathroom gives me heebie jeebies.

Sigh.

Jesus Statue, image from Amazon

Jesus, with a kind, loving expression on his face, one hand raised to his Sacred Heart and the other palm facing outward, is facing the toilet most often; sometimes the shower. I swear the eyes on that statue, that particular statue have a mischievous glint in them. He knows what I’m about to do, and it’s like He’s daring me. Or maybe He’s begging me, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s a bit of both. Based on stories told about him in the Bible, and stories Jesus told, I know Jesus had/has a sense of humor. Plus, if he would never force his way into anyone’s home to witness, he’d never, ever force his way into someone’s toilet.

Just sayin’.

So I take up the dare.

Every time I’m in the bathroom, I turn Jesus to face out the window to get a nice view of the trees and creek in the yard. I love Jesus and all, but I doubt he really wants to see me peeing. I say a quick prayer when I turn Jesus.

“Hi Jesus, it’s me, Jessica. But you know that. You’re Jesus. So hey, here goes.

Dear Jesus,

Most holy, he who sacrifeced his life so that we could have eternal life in Heaven, I have the utmost respect for you. My brother has this statue of you in his bathroom. Please don’t be offended when I turn it away from the toilet. I know you’re not in the statue, but it feels like a privacy thing. I’m sure you can understand. Toileting stuff probably isn’t even your thing anyway. I apologize for any offense I may have caused you. You’re still awesome.

Amen

P.S. I love you

Double Amen

And every time I come over, there’s Jesus facing the toilet. Again.

And every single time, I get the overwhelming feeling that I have to turn Jesus away from the toilet. I’m not turning away from Jesus. No, no I’m not. I’m turning Jesus away from something he doesn’t need to see. I stay out of Jesus’ toileting business, he can stay out of mine.

I finally admitted it to my brother when we were about to leave after babysitting. He chuckled. So I’mma keep on doing it.

Read Full Post »

Not Fake Doody-cocky News

Don’t normalize President Elmo. Just because he can only count to five doesn’t excuse the poopy news he puts out. Granted, while being a poopy doody head explains some things, it doesn’t excuse anything.

 

I have my 17 year old daughter to thank for this. I really had no choice but to share the laughs. Imagining Trump as a spoiled toddler most days is a coping mechanism and then here comes Elmo. 😀 I’m dead.

Read Full Post »

Leaky Leaker Leaking All Over

It’s apparently breaking news as of last night? by the New York Times that Donald Trump knew two weeks prior to his inauguration that Russia interfered in the election in order to make sure he would be elected; with the express permission and direction of Dictator Putin. He knew that it was done so that the election would turn out in his favor. Every single time he has said he didn’t believe there was election interference, he lied. Every time he has said there was, “No colluuuuuuusion,” it was a lie. Every time he lies, it’s obstruction and for that matter, a cover-up.

If you’ve followed or read my blog for the past two or three years, you know that none of this is breaking news to me. Maybe some of you thought I was a little paranoid. 😉 That’s okay. Plenty of people don’t listen to anything I say, thinking I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m used to it. I live in Connecticut, after all. I mean, we may bleed Blue for the most part but we also just had a guy on a dairy farm just get kicked in the head by a cow. And the news anchor had to make sure to say,

“He did suffer serious head injuries, but no information on his condition.”

Yes, he would since he was kicked in the head by a cow. Being in his 20’s wouldn’t keep him from avoiding serious head injuries.

I wish I could say that the things that have been leaking out, and the indictments, subpoenas, plea deals, have been vindicating. The problem is that we’re still stuck with a treacherous guttersnipe in the Oval Office. The problem is that I didn’t want to be right.

I never, ever wanted to be right. I wanted to be proven wrong. I want every single elected official we ever have to succeed, especially a duly elected president. Hell, even a president that was inserted by Russians… I was in a position where I felt forced to “give him a chance.” I wanted him to succeed. I promise, that’s the truth.

Giving someone a chance doesn’t ever mean ignoring the truth. It doesn’t mean ignoring what you already know about someone. It means giving someone a chance with a healthy skepticism and a willingness to continue to ask questions and research and fact check in order to protect yourself and others.

Investigating the election fraud and other crimes stemming from it isn’t about, “being unable to let go of Mrs. Clinton not winning the election.” It’s about the undermining of our election, our democracy, our Republic and the fact that one of the candidates in the election… the candidate that did end up in the Oval Office… was part of the tampering. He encouraged, took part in, and continued to take part in espionage.

I think the scramble by the White House, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Lindsey Graham, hell even Sean Spicer to rehabilitate Trump’s current Russian joint presser statement into something means the opposite of what he actually said is a clear indication that he meant what he said. He has always said that he doesn’t need or want other people to explain what he says because he always says what he means. And that presser? That was clearly scripted. He knew what he was saying. He was proud of himself. He was smug. The damage control is something that I’m sure Trump doesn’t even believe needs to be done.

Again… he’s told us who he is, so why don’t people believe him when he shows us?

This is not Democratics vs Republicans vs Independents vs Green Party. It’s about willingness to side with truth and justice, patriotism and America, or willingness to side with a traitor and not care about the lies and treason in favor of a larger, damaging agenda. It’s also about voting vs non-voting.

At this point, it’s also about whether people are reformed Trump voters. I’m not touching Republican, specifically because I know people of all political affiliations voted for him. I’m not touching GOP either. And yes, I’m making a very wide line between Republicans and GOP. Because the GOP has become the tool of the Tea Party. What Conservative stands for now is a warped stance of conservativism. I’m a recovering Republican, so I know. I’m heartbroken over what’s happened to the party as a whole.

That’s a whole different blog entry.

I don’t have hard feelings for the voters at this point because voting has been effecting change in special elections everywhere. I also have hope for November 2018 midterm elections. I believe that most people are good. I believe that people vote with hope in their hearts.

There’s still hope. We have a free press and freedom of speech. The First Amendment is our most important Amendment of all. Which reminds me, if you haven’t already, download a free copy of the United States Constitution. It’s so, so very important. It’s law that’s higher than the Oval Office.

Read Full Post »

Satellite Tells a Story About North Korea Summit & Commitment to Gentlemen’s Handshakes

Backstory, I Hope I Can Keep It Short

I’m likely going to oversimplify things; warning that I’m only providing one article source below, and it’s in reference to my last paragraph. Also to warn you, I’m in MASSIVE pain right now, because it’s raining and all of my meds have completely worn off. Every single one. I’m an hour late and just realized it. Please be gentle in your critique. No, just kidding, discussion is welcome.

A few weeks ago, Trump was puffing his chest like an old gorilla, insulting anyone he could including previous presidents as far back he could pronounce their names.  He was worked up because he needed. a. big. win. and it just had. to. be. North Korea. You probably remember the drama unless you were lucky enough to be stranded on a tropical beach without any wi-fi, data, or cable access to anything for two or three weeks. If you were stranded on a beach, you’re lucky.  There was so much propaganda in both countries, it was sickening. Guess which ones in the U.S. fell for the Trump propaganda and disinformation campaigning? I’m not even talking about anything aside from NK. Did you know the WH even put out a VIDEO touting the awesomeness of NK? It’s like a tourism video, carefully ignoring the fact that the dictator is a murderous serial killer who even had his own brother killed, and imprisons anyone believed to speak out against him? Who will murder entire families for the actions of one citizen that he believes could have betrayed him even in their thoughts? A dictator who is guilty of countless inhumane acts against his own people, is so genocidal, many consider him to be as evil as Hitler. Remember that.

Anyway, the closer we came to the meeting date, day by day, minute by minute, the propaganda, rhetoric and hype were at the point that (some) people believed he was going to NK to save the U.S. and save the entire world from certain, immediate annihilation. Some people here had the audacity to believe Trump was going to save the North Korean people with the fabulous deal he was going to make with their dictator. His personality alone would overpower Kim Jong-un and if not, then his business expertise would do the trick. None of the U.S. leaders for the past 70 years, Trump’s entire lifetime, would be able to live up to what he was about to accomplish. The world was just waiting for him, apparently, and didn’t know it. Oddly enough, Trump wasn’t interested in learning anything about the 70-year history of severe problems that not only the U.S. has had with North Korea, but the world.

Trump started complimenting and praising Kim Jong-un. I just can’t even … even with that one.  You don’t do that.  Don’t compliment a dictator on his leadership skills.  He stopped tough talking and started courting. Remember what I said a couple of paragraphs ago about Kim Jong-un.

Caution and Education Are For Sissies, Apparently

There were a lot of concerns moving forward, though, as you would expect.  There should have been vocal concerns considering the magnitude of the summit.  There are always going to be security concerns when any of our delegates and officials leave the country for something official. Like, say, the G7 Summit. Wait.

There are always red flags to pay attention to, some that even lay people know are serious.

The quotes that were given to the state-run propaganda news outlets in NK by Kim Jong-un weren’t a big enough red flag; they were largely ignored in the U.S.

The warnings from the Intelligence Community that no matter Trump’s stated goals, Kim Jong-un’s goal is to continue developing a nuclear arsenal and to embarrass Trump (among other warnings) weren’t a big enough red flag and also largely ignored in the U.S. This was a moment where you have to say, just like during Trump’s presidential campaign when he told and showed America who he is,

“The man has told you in clear language what he will and won’t do. This is a man who has consistently behaved in an abhorrent manner without plans to change. Believe a man when he tells you and shows you just how much of an asshole he really is.”

It was big news in the U.S. if you were voicing concerns; to be cautious; if you had doubts; if you were suggesting to please study up on the North Korean History, Mr. Trump, just please educate yourself. The fact that such concerns were being minimized and denigrated by the White House was a red flag.

Of course, it was also big news that Trump refused to study up on the past 7 decades of North Korean dictatorship, and ignored that advice from advisers. Red flag? Maybe?

Anyone with any sort of intellect and knowledge about world history and U.S. history would have anxiety, doubt about this summit’s long term and short term results; anyone paying attention to current events would be concerned and doubtful just in a general manner. Anyone with a passing knowledge about Trump and his history of getting along with everyone no matter what it takes, plus his sparkling personality and confidence, would have concerns about the immediate issue of the meeting itself. The fact that nothing changed in Trump’s attitude on this subject was a huge red flag.

Now we segue.  If I don’t I’ll go on a tangent.

I Concede, You Concede, Gentlemen’s Handshake

Trump and Kim Jong-un met, pretended to be brahs, while each also pretended to be the alpha gorilla.  In the end the dictator won.  It was described as an exchange of opinions and how to reach peace between NK and the rest of the peninsula.  Trump committed to “security guarantees” as Kim Jong-un reaffirmed his “firm and unwavering commitment to complete denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula.” I’m noting just how carefully worded that is. Kim Jong-un wants the peninsula denuclearized. It doesn’t state specifically North Korea. Maybe I’m nitpicking but it’s red flaggy to me.

The establishment of new U.S.-DPRK relations will “contribute to the peace and prosperity of the Korean Peninsula” (oh yeah and of the world too, but let’s not specifically state America). Apparently our new relationship alone will be enough to contribute to peace and prosperity.

They recognized that “mutual confidence building” [Okay, wait a minute, when I saw this one I wanted to know: Does that mean ass kissing?] can promote the denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula.  Neither of these men are known for doing what anyone else tells them; for upholding promises; for building confidence with others.

President Trump and Chairman Kim Jong-un talked about releasing POW’s and MIA’s remains to their families. Thumbs up, Big Guy. As with our most recent President, we’re continuing the trend of bringing our people home.

Building a last peace REGIME on the Korean Peninsula. Like the wording on that one? Red flag, maybe? For there to be true peace in Korea, for them to be a United Korea again, I can only imagine that South Korea would insist that a dictatorship would have to be dissolved. I don’t see, especially in wording such as that, that Kim Jong-un intends to release any of his political power or his nuclear power. He holds the cards as long as he holds and can make nuclear weapons.  The world will pay attention to him as long as he holds those cards.

There was nothing resembling a peace treaty that could be worked with,  in depth, to be further fleshed out, endorsed by Congress, and signed.  With no actual peace treaty and nothing for Congress to flesh out, mark up with red pens, approve, and have both nations sign, we have nothing except the fact that these guys sat down and had dinner together.

They outlined, sort of, some loose goals signed by them as an intent to work on the goals; but it’s nothing binding.  Nothing.  If there had been, he’d be complaining about Democratics holding up the process of saving the world.  Instead he just complained that Democratics and haters didn’t want him to save the world and want war and open borders. Distraction at its worst. He’s not even good at it.

Anyway.

Trump essentially came back to the U.S. from the NK Summit with the equivalent of chicken scratch on a bar napkin.  He managed to convince his base that it was binding and wow! a peace treaty! and he managed to do something unprecedented never ever before accomplished by any U.S. leader ever.  Obviously anyone who has a passing relationship with reading American History or Google knows that particular claim is a lie.

I’m not going to lie: sitting in a meeting face to face with Kim Jong Un, a ruthless, vicious, mass murdering, genocidal dictator takes a serious game face. It is an accomplishment, especially considering this dictator is considered to have been (until recently) reclusive. The problem is that because Trump wanted to teach this punk a lesson, one thug to another thug, and he legitimized Kim.  I really do wish he had intimidated Kim Jong-un into submission.  That would have been a great accomplishment.

But there’s history to consider, hence the mother hen worrying and caution:  Kim Jong-un recently fucking over South Korea and China weren’t big enough red flags, I guess.  The thing is, I never want to be right when I have this kind of anxiety.  I really don’t want our government to fail.  I don’t.

Then this happens.

Plot Twist. 

I wonder if sprucing up their nuclear facilities to be more productive for, oh, I don’t know, producing nuclear weapons will be a big enough red flag that the summit itself was a failure.  Because lookie what I found:

 

Satellite images from last week show that North Korea is making numerous improvements to the infrastructure at a nuclear research facility, according to a new study.

Article by Avery Anapol; 6/26/2018; Source: Satellite images show North Korea upgrading nuclear research facility: report | TheHill

Read Full Post »