Archive for the ‘parenting’ Category


Don’t normalize President Elmo. Just because he can only count to five doesn’t excuse the poopy news he puts out. Granted, while being a poopy doody head explains some things, it doesn’t excuse anything.

 

I have my 17 year old daughter to thank for this. I really had no choice but to share the laughs. Imagining Trump as a spoiled toddler most days is a coping mechanism and then here comes Elmo. 😀 I’m dead.

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It’s apparently breaking news as of last night? by the New York Times that Donald Trump knew two weeks prior to his inauguration that Russia interfered in the election in order to make sure he would be elected; with the express permission and direction of Dictator Putin. He knew that it was done so that the election would turn out in his favor. Every single time he has said he didn’t believe there was election interference, he lied. Every time he has said there was, “No colluuuuuuusion,” it was a lie. Every time he lies, it’s obstruction and for that matter, a cover-up.

If you’ve followed or read my blog for the past two or three years, you know that none of this is breaking news to me. Maybe some of you thought I was a little paranoid. 😉 That’s okay. Plenty of people don’t listen to anything I say, thinking I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m used to it. I live in Connecticut, after all. I mean, we may bleed Blue for the most part but we also just had a guy on a dairy farm just get kicked in the head by a cow. And the news anchor had to make sure to say,

“He did suffer serious head injuries, but no information on his condition.”

Yes, he would since he was kicked in the head by a cow. Being in his 20’s wouldn’t keep him from avoiding serious head injuries.

I wish I could say that the things that have been leaking out, and the indictments, subpoenas, plea deals, have been vindicating. The problem is that we’re still stuck with a treacherous guttersnipe in the Oval Office. The problem is that I didn’t want to be right.

I never, ever wanted to be right. I wanted to be proven wrong. I want every single elected official we ever have to succeed, especially a duly elected president. Hell, even a president that was inserted by Russians… I was in a position where I felt forced to “give him a chance.” I wanted him to succeed. I promise, that’s the truth.

Giving someone a chance doesn’t ever mean ignoring the truth. It doesn’t mean ignoring what you already know about someone. It means giving someone a chance with a healthy skepticism and a willingness to continue to ask questions and research and fact check in order to protect yourself and others.

Investigating the election fraud and other crimes stemming from it isn’t about, “being unable to let go of Mrs. Clinton not winning the election.” It’s about the undermining of our election, our democracy, our Republic and the fact that one of the candidates in the election… the candidate that did end up in the Oval Office… was part of the tampering. He encouraged, took part in, and continued to take part in espionage.

I think the scramble by the White House, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Lindsey Graham, hell even Sean Spicer to rehabilitate Trump’s current Russian joint presser statement into something means the opposite of what he actually said is a clear indication that he meant what he said. He has always said that he doesn’t need or want other people to explain what he says because he always says what he means. And that presser? That was clearly scripted. He knew what he was saying. He was proud of himself. He was smug. The damage control is something that I’m sure Trump doesn’t even believe needs to be done.

Again… he’s told us who he is, so why don’t people believe him when he shows us?

This is not Democratics vs Republicans vs Independents vs Green Party. It’s about willingness to side with truth and justice, patriotism and America, or willingness to side with a traitor and not care about the lies and treason in favor of a larger, damaging agenda. It’s also about voting vs non-voting.

At this point, it’s also about whether people are reformed Trump voters. I’m not touching Republican, specifically because I know people of all political affiliations voted for him. I’m not touching GOP either. And yes, I’m making a very wide line between Republicans and GOP. Because the GOP has become the tool of the Tea Party. What Conservative stands for now is a warped stance of conservativism. I’m a recovering Republican, so I know. I’m heartbroken over what’s happened to the party as a whole.

That’s a whole different blog entry.

I don’t have hard feelings for the voters at this point because voting has been effecting change in special elections everywhere. I also have hope for November 2018 midterm elections. I believe that most people are good. I believe that people vote with hope in their hearts.

There’s still hope. We have a free press and freedom of speech. The First Amendment is our most important Amendment of all. Which reminds me, if you haven’t already, download a free copy of the United States Constitution. It’s so, so very important. It’s law that’s higher than the Oval Office.

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History shows kings, queens, religious leaders, dictators, presidents, emperors, empresses, pharaohs, and clan leaders not only laying down the law for their people. They show the people the ideal that they’re supposed to live up to being. They are expected to be the moral authority as well as the legal authority. In religious communities, the religious leaders were and in some areas still are the spiritual, legal, moral, ethical authorities.

Because of this history, there’s a trust that’s built in. It doesn’t seem to matter if the individual is sovereign or elected, but the expectation is the same to be trustworthy and have integrity.

It may be in human DNA for people to want our leaders to define who we are as a people. As individuals, we’re fine for the most part; we’re intelligent as individuals. As a mass group, we need guidance. As a mass group, we’re stupid. I think that’s why most of us have the need for the security of laws, guidelines, leadership in various forms.

When it stops working, there are rebellions. There are wars. There are coups. Leaders are removed from power. New laws are put into place.

When the system is working but the leadership isn’t, is when there are the most problems.

That’s what’s happening in the United States right now.

The reason the leadership isn’t working is because there’s no trust.

I’m not talking about the typical whinging and whining about the average politician. For the most part, our local politicians are our neighbors and aren’t out to hurt us. Most level headed people understand that even if we disagree on ideas, methods, and how to do things, we really do essentially want the same goals. We don’t want to harm each other.

There’s no trust in the man pretending to president of the U.S.A. or his cabinet and administration because during the campaign, they straight out told us and have now proven that their goals are selfish. They’re not only willing to harm anyone who disagrees, but they’re gleeful about deconstructing those peoples’ lives, destroying their reputations, threatening them, and intentionally creating laws that will be harmful to vulnerable groups of people.

If we’re honest, this man hasn’t been trusted since the beginning but it’s gotten worse week by week. I would say that since January 2018 through yesterday, July 16, 2018 it’s become steadily worse even more quickly. Some of the worst history-in-the-making video I ever saw was the joint presser between Trump and Putin yesterday. I was horrified as Trump essentially gave America away and threw our intelligence agencies and all Democratics and anyone who has ever disagreed with him under the bus. Oh, and of course he’s insistent that journalists are the enemy of the people. The EU is our “foe.” He’s literally doing his best to destroy relationships with Britain, everyone in the EU, Canada, anyone who is our ally in NATO. But his best friends are ruthless dictators in Russia, North Korea, and hey, let’s not forget that he’s trying to ingratiate himself with China. If you’ve ever opened up a history book AND stayed up to date in current day history since, I don’t know, 1985 through now, you know not to trust any of these nations farther than you can throw a mountain.

But hey, Trump says, we’ve done the same stuff Russia has against Russia. And Putin was strong and shit in his denial in his involvement in the meddling in our elections even though he “trusts” his intelligence guys (huh? FBI? NSA? CIA? or the Israeli firm he hired?) but he believes Putin. Trump also stated that AMERICA is the one at fault for the state of the poor relationship between America and Russia. Basically, for every atrocity and crime Russia has committed, it’s America’s fault.

They want to forge a joint cyber-security effort between the two nations. Imagine that? After Russia hacked our elections, interfered prior and during, and our intelligence agencies plus allies have confirmed around the world that Russia not only plans to damage midterm elections in November 2018, but it will be worse. Attacks are already worse. Political discourse from Trump candidates and hardcore supporters, as well as “bots” is non-existent. The only argument they want to hear is, “but Hillary…” in spite of every argument being disproved.

People that are susceptible to the rhetoric do nothing but repeat the same catch phrases that are put out by Trump, the same lies that are disproved as soon as he states them, the same tired false lines. It’s tiring trying to have a discussion with most of them, so 98% of the time in real life I don’t engage. People don’t want a polite discussion to hear the other side. I’m interested to hear people’s reasoned, thought out ideas on continued support for Trump. What do they actually believe he’s doing that’s, “he’s just done so many good things for this country and is doing so many more! He’s incredible!” Why? What’s the proof they see? Don’t show me Breitbart or Fox or any far right piece of garbage. Show me real information that’s untarnished. Because as much as I physically hate him, I can actually separate my bias when looking at new information and researching it independently to find out what’s true or false so that I can form my own opinions.

And I formed some opinions watching that presser. No one biased me. I watched it with an open mind, hoping that we’d come out of this with truly the beginning of a better relationship. What I saw was chilling.

If what we all saw yesterday doesn’t instill a desire, a need, a will for change of the current “president” and administration, I don’t know what it’ll take. I’ve seen it begin already… people regretting their vote in favor of Trump. People realizing that in spite of their original vote, it’s not too late to do something. People realizing that voting single issue or against another candidate was the worst mistake they could have made. Online, I’m also seeing it. Online, however, the paid bots and bots are making it appear to the ones on the fence and the hardcore supporters that they’re still justified.

Some don’t care. Some, like an unnamed close relative, are still saying shit like, “He’s still better than Hillary would’ve been.” Don’t you love false equivalency?

But, hey, Loves? Those are the ones that even in court will proclaim that evidence is faked like fake news because there’s no possible way they can admit that either don’t care Trump is a traitor, or they made a very poor choice in voting for him.

If I’m wrong and the evidence says otherwise? I’ll suck it up. I promise. I can’t promise it won’t be grudgingly, but I’ll suck it up.

Ok, the thunder is moving in and so is the migraine. It’s probably a good time to sign off in spite of zero transition. 🙂

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Silver Linings


I’m in more control today than yesterday. I managed to get in a two or three hour nap, and last night I was able to sleep for three or four hours. I’ve had an iced coffee this morning, so I’m good to go until probably 3:00 pm or so.

What can I say? Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue can do weird things to a person, even during seasons that are when a person feels the best they can.

It’s okay, though, I’ll plan to rest and read later. We’re expecting severe thunderstorms so I won’t use the stove. There’s a possibility that we’ll lose power and I’d rather have the house as cool as possible. Ice is made, salad is ready, all that’s left is to eat up all of the ice cream. Silver lining!

I’ve got a job to do, clearly.

We also live near one of the state’s major rivers and a tributary, so our town has a flash flood warning. The state has a general flash flood warning too. Oh… warning, not watch. Interesting. The severe t-storms are still on watch, not warning, but the weather guy did just say that the cells are coming to us from New York, “this afternoon” for all of the state. My area of the state is in the highest risk. Damaging winds, large hail, flooding, oh and hey guys don’t worry, the tornado threat is only at 1 out of 5.

Listen. We’ve had tornado threats at 0/5 and still had 2-to-3 tornadoes go through the state and/or touch down. Don’t tell me that a threat of “only” 1 is nothing to really worry about. I was talking about this last night when the weather dudes were discussing the humidity, thunderstorms expected, and the heat for today. It’s a mix for tornadoes. So what’s on the local news?

Bah. I’ll be watching the color in the sky. In CT the air turns green. I swear that everything goes by in slow motion, with the air thick like being underwater. One year netting from tobacco fields almost hit my car on my way home from work, with the hardest downpour, hardest winds, hail, a dark green sky, black in some areas, and I had to pull over. The debris in the air was swirling in the rain, like it was under water. There was no expectation of tornadoes that day.

It keeps happening, but at least there’s been more warning. Now that I know what to look for, and how it feels in my weather-vane of a body, I pay close attention. Looking outside right now, the sky is still very bright and sunny but it’s not blue any longer. The wind is picking up in gusts, flipping leaves over.

Anyway, this post didn’t go at all the way I had planned. I’m not deleting it. I will, however, cross my fingers and toes that it’s only heavy rain with some loud thunder. The dog will lose his shit, and the cats will hide in closets, but it’ll be good for the grass, the reservoirs, and fire hazard levels. Silver linings!

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Stunned Traitorously


I’m sitting here with my hands still shaking, and not entirely certain when the joint press conference between Mr. Trump and the dictator known as “president” Putin ended. I watched in shock and disgust while doing my best to put aside any preconceived notions. I listened to the words coming from each man in horror, watching their body language and micro-expressions. Yet again, some things I learned in college actually are put to good, practical use.

Because I listened to the words coming from each, and waited for the man posing as our American president to jump in and tell the dictator of Russia that he wasn’t going to allow Russia to do what he planned, I felt my insides drop out. I watched as Trump smiled smugly, nodding along. I watched them both lie blatantly, and back up each others’ lies. I heard the tone in their voices, which alone was chilling.

If I were a Trump supporter before this week, I would hope that this would be the one thing of anything that would change my mind.

I mean, if not for…

  • Ableism against disabled Americans
  • Racism against non-white Americans
  • Racism against non-white non-Americans
  • Blatant classism and elitism
  • Misogyny and abuse of women
  • Human rights violations in more situations I can count, but most clearly visible at the moment: Child abuse at the border, separation of families, drugging minors against their will including babies with drugs that are dangerous to adults
  • Calling our journalists and reporters an enemy of the people including today at the presser
  • Continuously attempting to obstruct a just, fair investigation
  • Lying daily and being caught in lies; instructing his staff to lie
  • Allying himself with the evil, mass murdering leader of the Israeli people in spite of having had a good deal with Iran that Iran was honoring
  • Causing serious unrest in the Middle East on multiple occasions that have caused hundreds of deaths
  • Targeting innocent families, including children, of dead terrorists in deadly air strikes
  • Hiring a foreign spy agency to attempt to dig up dirt on former Obama-era dignitaries in an effort to discredit President Obama
  • Attempting to destroy relationships with every single foreign ally we have to instead ally with RUSSIA
  • Refusing to acknowledge, even today, he was and is being duped by Kim Jong-un since the meeting with him last month, still believing they’re allies too
  • Lying about employment and wage statistics
  • Lying about economy statistics
  • Lying about things that can be easily disproved, and still calling those facts “fake news”
  • Oh yes… the Tax Scam which although some businesses may have made out, or rather allowed employees to believe they made out, have resulted in wage decreases AND massive layoffs which aren’t being accounted for in employment, wage, or economy statistics
  • Encouragement to police to “rough up prisoners” and yet he practically defecates on the FBI, CIA, and other intelligence agencies we rely on… whom when it suits him he calls “the best in the world” but when he’s the subject, he wants it all shut down with “his own intelligence people”

Maybe now, supporters will question the choice to continue to support him. But what do I know. He’s committed some terrible atrocities and those he’s appointed are committing them in his name with his approval daily. As long as his judge pick attempts to shut down Roe v Wade? I guess they’ll support him no matter what.

Oh. I’m distressed, yes. There’s so much to address that was horrific in that presser. He blamed the U.S. for the state of a poor relationship with Russia. He took Putin’s side, literally, over our intelligence community, publicly in a worldwide conference. Which means he also fucked over our allies’ intelligence communities, who warned us prior to the election but the GOP ignored.

Let me be clear. This isn’t about the election. It’s about the fact that since before the 2016 Presidential Election, during that campaign, through this very moment and expected at least through the midterm elections 2018, we are under attack from a hostile nation called Russia with the express permission of Putin. A man who stated publicly today that he wanted Trump to win. Oh, I want to go piece by piece through everything they said to show what they said vs what they really said between the lines with tone and body language. If I do that, I have a feeling my anxiety will fly through the roof and it’s already pretty high since I’ve been awake since 2:30 a.m.

I realize I sound crazypants right now. I’m crazytired. I’d better go fix that.

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So Many Mistakes

My intention here: this is not a “poor me” or “poor mom who has an autistic teen” post. It’s about owning up to past behavior that I think seeps into the present even though my ego would like to believe that it doesn’t. I know for certain that it does, though, from a recent wake-up call. I was having a conversation with someone elsewhere online in which I was commiserating and agreeing in the conversation as a fellow disabled person, but due to how I phrased something it came off offensively rather than in a supportive way.

Reblogging this below entry is “looking back at my mistakes, and wanting to make amends” post. Some of it I’m working out “out loud” in an effort to keep other parents from making similar mistakes that I made way back when and still make in spite of myself.

It’s been about eight years since I wrote the below entry. I was so excited because I jumped in feet first into being a parent that LISTENED versus one of those parents who pitied being a parent of an autistic child. I had turned my back on Autism Speaks and others of their ilk. I was speaking for my daughter, but it still came out with my voice. I came off as so. damn. smug.

I know now that my voice and approach came off as if I were speaking above autistic voices; as if I were an authority over them. That was wrong of me.

I placed myself smack in the middle of the Autism community, thus elevating my voice, as a parent. When I described the community as a whole in this post, I placed autistic voices first, but then I added everyone else and they all added up to be More Than the autistic voices. That was wrong of me.

Autistic voices should always, always be first. But this is what the rest of us forget: Autistic people ARE the community. The rest of us who are lucky enough to be in their orbits are only on the fringe of the community by virtue of their invitation by note of; their patience in answering questions; their love for us; their self-advocacy; their opinions about what doctors, therapists, teachers, scientists, agencies, and parents say and do; their personal stories about childhood, employment, relationships. It’s up to us to earn trust because it’s so easily broken. I hadn’t really learned that completely yet.

Sure I’m A Mom

As a mom I’m not even an authority on being a parent to someone who is autistic. Why not? I’m just one mom to one autistic daughter. I may have some insights as a mother, based on a learning curve, but almost all with thanks to listening to the real authorities: autistic bloggers, writers, authors. I may be a near-expert on my own daughter because she lets me in and I ask her questions and let her lead. I pay attention to her communication. I learned that imperative lesson from other autistic people who wished their parents had done that for them; and those whose parents did do that for them. Thank God for them.

My daughter was only seven-ish years old at the time that I wrote that entry. I’d only been following blogs written by autistic writers for a couple of years but in regard to autism, not exclusively. I hadn’t yet figured out how the different language issues were layered yet, and which other issues were severe social and family issues. I didn’t know how serious abuses were yet. I didn’t realize I could trigger someone with a careless word.

Implied Privilege

When I wrote that blog, I was listening to autistic voices but I didn’t necessarily hear them all of the time. I ‘m afraid I made the wrong issues more important than the people.

Worse, I used the privilege implied in being a parent who was researching and listening, albeit not hearing, to be heard and to advocate in a way that I thought was appropriate. Instead I sounded smug. I can only hope that I never passed along dangerous information in that manner. When I come across posts where I think that might be the case, or it’s borderline, I have and will either update or delete them. I don’t want to perpetuate harmful information and I’m sorry for that.

When I stumbled on this post again, it really embarrassed me. It embarrassed me because even though it was eight years ago, I think I still use the tone in it without meaning to do so. I also know that for some people, my sentence structure and grammar can come off as snooty and boy… is that evident in this post I dug up. I was going to either delete that blog entry, or update it. I’m a big fan, 98% of the time, of taking complete responsibility for something posted and leaving it up for posterity with the hope that someone can learn from my mistakes and hopefully see a progression from ignorance to, well, I guess “less ignorant.” More enlightened is my goal.

I chose to leave this one up because it represents a journey, and updating it or deleting it would have ignored the work our family has done to grow.

 

I Apologize

I’d like to apologize to autistic people for my ignorance, past and present. I may have learned things over the years that helped my knowledge, but not my pride. I’m sorry that over the years, I’ve spoken over your voices or in place of your voices as if I were more of an authority. I’m sorry that my hubris got in the way of my humility. Please know that it’s not something that I ever intended. Please know that I’m always open to hearing where I’m making mistakes, my language is inappropriate, my education is outdated. I want to succeed more often than not. I want to continue to work at self-improvement, open-mindedness, humility.

Intended or not, it still happened. I take full responsibility.

I hope that you forgive me.

 

From Harmful to Helpful?

How do I become more helpful to the community (including other communities) I want to advocate with?

  • Be mindful of past mistakes and current behavior
  • More active listening on my part
  • Listen more than speaking; this really is important, so much that I just said it twice
  • Don’t place my voice as an authority in a community in which I’m really only orbiting
  • Ask more often, “How can I help?”
  • Give credit where credit is due
  • Provide qualifiers when speaking such as, “In my opinion” and “In my experience”
  • Remember that plain language, not rude language, is appreciated
  • Remember that it’s not simply advocating FOR… it’s advocating WITH because
  • Go out of your way to make sure the people you converse with know that you
  • Those who have the disability that you don’t have are also self-advocating as a whole and for others in their group who may not be able to self-advocate

 

I know that as a parent, as a woman, I’m going to continue making mistakes because I’m not perfect. There are thousands of mistakes I haven’t even made yet. I’m going to do my best to be much more mindful of how and when my mistakes and failures occur so that I don’t make the same mistakes again, over and over. I can only hope that I’m not the same person I was eight years ago, and that I can grow each day without allowing my mistakes to define me.

I want to be a good example to my children. I hope this is how.  And now I need to press “Publish” but I’m kind of nervous about it. I don’t want this to sit in drafts for weeks or months.

 

If you visit various online communities you may notice that some people refer to autism in one of two ways. As autism or as Autism. As a mother of someone with Autism, I tend to use Autism when spe…

Source: Autism With A Capital ‘A’ | Ever So Gently

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I haven’t addressed the political atmosphere and news that’s been bubbling out of the melting pot of the United States. The ingredients, sous chefs, and master chefs are allowing the criminals that think McDonald’s is fine dining dictate the dishes, recipes, and menu; then the restaurant workers don’t even get to prepare the dishes themselves, but are forced into the fridge as the mob princess waltzes in with the salt and pepper, sprinkles it on a McFlurry and calls herself Master Chef.

Err, I may be a little hungry. Someone get the girl a salad and spinach ravioli!

One of McD’s Top 10 Failures: McDo & McSpaghetti

What it all boils down to is I’m tired of being told I’m being served gourmet spinach ravioli in a delicate butter sauce with broccolini, and I’m really being served Chicken McDo & McSpaghetti.

I may need a little bit more time to find my words. Perhaps it’s time to mine my drafts.  😉

 

 

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