You’ve probably noticed that I’m not writing about politics lately. It’s because on a daily basis, sometimes more often than that, there’s news coming from the White House that makes me want to stab someone in the eye.

Today is not one of those days.

Today, Trump removed Bannon from the National Security Council. Bloomberg reported this first, this morning, if sources are correct. Some are saying that it’s because he’s “no longer needed” because his role was really to keep an eye on Flynn who of course was removed for not informing Pence or Trump about his ties to Russia.

How long before people start disappearing versus just being removed? People who can prove the treason of the entire Trump Administration including Trump himself? Does no one else see a concerning pattern emerging? History repeating?


This article linked below, and what I’m writing, may be a trigger for autistic people who have had to endure ABA “therapy” simply for having the term ABA. It’s a disturbing blog entry, to say the least.

The writer talks about the most disturbing part of why ABA is torture and invalid as treatment, and should never be used on anyone: the goal is to make autistic people indistinguishable from their non-autistic peers.

We treat our animal companions better when we’re training them, but we’re not training dogs or cats.

We’re raising families. It’s our job to adjust how we parent, not mold our children into a pre-conceived notion of what we imagined our children would be. ABA doesn’t respect the individuality of the person. There isn’t any recognition of bodily autonomy.

When we hear stories like this from former ABA therapists, believe it. It corroborates the hundreds if not thousands of reports from autistic teens and adults that have endured ABA.

The problem, however, is that no one believes autistic people when they share their heartbreaking stories of ABA Abuse until former ABA therapists corroborate the reports. Instead of taking the word of the people who were abused, people wait for evidence and testimony from those who dished it out and are non-disabled; who witnessed it with nothing to gain.

I’m grateful for the community of autistic adults and teens online for sharing their stories. It made it less likely for my daughter to have to endure ABA. We were able to make sure that her PPT team avoided it and her doctors didn’t prescribe it. I just wish that were true for everyone who ever has to go through this.

 

 

 

I abused children for a living. It didn’t look like abuse. It didn’t feel like abuse (at least not to me) but it was definitely abuse. I see that now. Back then, I actually thought I wa…

Source: I Abused Children For A Living – Diary Of A Birdmad girl


When it comes to parenting, the books don’t always have the answers. Each book has a special parenting method, and if you just stick with that special method you’ll have amazing children. They’re grow up to be well behaved, respectful, intelligent, daily blessings of joy and love.

Those books are lies.

Most parents figure that out by the time their children are 1-to-2 years old. Sometimes it takes longer, but that’s likely due more to the temperament of the child and not the stellar parenting as followed from the advice in those books. They just might make it to 5 years old, but if that child really is just a totally chill little human being, it takes having a second child with a completely different temperament.

The books were worthless except as kindling until our third child. By then, I had realized that it’s not the book but the child, and every child has a different mother.

Every child has the mother they need because they’re all different people. The books should really only address the care, when it comes down to it. We need books that are honest and straightforward that will be Actually Helpful to new parents of babies, and stressed out parents of toddlers and teens.

Books parents need:

Mostly Judgement-Free Parenting Series

“How to Feed My Baby: Until he’s not hungry any more”

“How to Diaper My Baby: What’s best for your wallet, your tolerance for cutting coupons, your love of Pinterest, and ability to sew”

“The Best Ways to Get Baby to Nap: Learn baby’s sleep patterns, then work around it”

“How to Get Baby on My Schedule: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Toilet Training by One: Good luck with that one”

“How to Feed a Picky Eater: Give her what she likes”

“Discipline? Yes, always, your child is not your friend or best buddy”

“Discipline: You have more options than ‘spanking’ and here they are”

“Going Back to Work After Baby: Why not, after all Dad gets to and who’s to say that Dad shouldn’t be the stay at home parent anyway?”

“Staying Home/Going to Work After Baby: Budgeting, Care for Baby, Scheduling, Family Time, Let’s Work it Out!”

“How to Prepare for Going to the Hospital for Baby: includes a tear out sheet of “List of People to KEEP OUT OF L & D and Maternity” to give to hospital staff so that you won’t have to be the bad guy to family that you don’t want there!”

“Reasonable Expectations of Success and Mistakes: your child isn’t an extension of you”

“When Friends, Family, and Strangers Offer ‘Well Meaning’ Parenting Advice: Smile and Nod, and other non-violent methods”

“OMG My Teenagers Are Trying to Make Me Go Gray Overnight! and other things parents of three teens have been heard saying”

“Organic and Homemade! the story of the crunchy mom, whose baby ate only organic until he tasted his first Twinkie and realized there was an entire aisle of the supermarket his mom had been hiding from him, and other stories of perfect parenting gone awry”

“How Not to Say the Wrong Thing to My Teens and Make Them Cry, the story of the mom with three daughters, so really you have to know that there probably won’t be a happy ending to this story”

 

 

Yup… I’d have bought those.


I have good news! Are you interested?

I went to my pain management and spine specialist last Wednesday after work. During the appointment we went over the X-Ray results for my hips and lumbar spine due to the exacerbated pain I’ve had since the fall my beastly dog caused on a walk. There was a concern that my hip fractured or broke.

I’ve mentioned before that my lumbar spine already has bulging discs. The X-ray was for just the lumbar and hips, and since my MRI during the summer, that’s deteriorated, likely due to the fall.

Neither of my hips, which have arthritis, are broken or fractured. That’s the excellent news. The arthritis, however, has also deteriorated and has done so more significantly in my left hip. That’s likely due to the fall.

I’m relieved that there aren’t any fractures. That means that we can take “putting a pin in it”off the table. That’s a huge relief. I guess now I’m wondering what my treatment options are, because I met with the APRN instead of the doctor. When I have pain that, in the moment, is at least a 10 what do I do? I can’t support my body when I’m standing up because the pain is so severe. I feel as if my skeleton is being ripped apart and shattered with a hammer. It’s scary, and it takes my breath away.

Since I’m 42 and never had a bone density test, I’ve requested one to be ordered. I know that it’s been an issue in my family, and with the arthritis, maybe it can help with therapy. I’m already doing aqua-therapy but anything at all that might help relieve this pain and I’m in. The APRN didn’t indicate that the degeneration is severe enough for surgery to repair the arthritis, so I’m guessing that’s not an option right now. And honestly I think that has to be a last resort.

It’s funny, though… my PT for aquatherapy seems to think that surgery with additional PT is preferable to additional medications. She has Fibromyalgia, too, so I’m assuming that she’s aware that every time someone like us has a surgery it further suppresses our immune system because the body has to fight so much harder than is typical to heal, and to fight off even simple infections and illnesses. We also have to cope with having all of the medications administered during a surgery coursing through us for months which affects the medications we’re already on. Anesthetics stay in the body for up to two years, especially when it’s administered in large doses.

I would rather exhaust all other options before considering surgery. Just like before I agreed to try pain medications, I exhausted every other possibility first. And sure… I kicked myself and wondered why I didn’t go to the pain management specialist years sooner when my PCP first suggested it, but this isn’t the same thing. I have a hard enough time healing from paper cuts. 😉

I know, I’m putting the cart before the horse. It was just a conversation I had with my PT on Friday. I’m just trying to work it out in my head a bit. And maybe the APRN didn’t let on how bad it really is. She’s been known to do that.

Oi. I need chocolate. Good chocolate. Better yet, I want someone to give me good chocolate.


Trigger warning for abuse; trigger warning for abuse of disabled individual.

Every morning as I get ready for work, I put our local news on the TV. It helps me keep track of time as I also get the girls up for school. I know that there’s always the likelihood that I’ll hear a story that’ll turn my stomach and make me wish I hadn’t turned on the TV. Most of the time, I can get through the local negative news without getting upset. It’s the national news that tends to upset me more lately. Not so this morning.

In Connecticut’s capitol city, a woman was arrested on a felony account of “cruelty to persons” charges after her 17 year old son died from severe malnutrition and indications of abuse. He was autistic. The case is being investigated as a homicide. The office of the chief medical examiner reported Matthew Tirado’s “suspicious condition” to police; he was 5 feet 9 inches tall and only 88 pounds. There were indications of abuse such as lacerations, broken bones, and bruises on his arms, face, and chest; they describe his body as emaciated and skeletal. The woman reported as his mother, Katiria Tirado, only called 911 when he was vomiting. He died on Tuesday morning past.

This young man is going to need justice. If Katiria Tirado dares to use his disability as an excuse especially when there’s a healthy 9 year old girl in the house, I hope that the Federal Court system sees through her. There’s no acceptable reason or excuse in what happened to Matthew. I don’t care if he would only eat McDonald’s fries, smooth fruit yogurt, and banana bread; I don’t care if had challenging allergies and self-restrictions with food. There’s always a way.

It’s a mother’s job to find a way. It’s a mother’s job to DON’T ABUSE and DON’T MURDER your children even when, especially when those children are disabled.

When a couple chooses to have children they choose to take on everything that means. There’s an implicit understanding that disabilities could be involved and thus there’s an implicit understanding that as parents, YOU’RE SIGNING ON FOR CARING AND LOVING FOR one or more children that may have disabilities and challenges that you may or may not have expected. You make a promise when you choose to be a parent, and that promise is that you won’t abuse or murder your children. You promise to always do your best to provide for your children.

The children in this home had a roof. But only one was well-nutritioned.

I’m sure at some point someone will tell me it’s not my place to judge this mother; that there were possibly or likely circumstances I haven’t considered; that I haven’t walked in this mother’s shoes; that I don’t understand disabilities and how they can affect a mother or a family especially Autism; that I need to put myself in that mother’s shoes; that you can see yourself in her position.

To those of you who don’t know me because you don’t know this blog, and you think those statements will fly here or anywhere else:

Those comments make you a murder apologist. If you wouldn’t excuse the murder of a non-disabled person, then don’t excuse the murder of a disabled person especially if that murderer is the parent. I don’t accept anyone identifying with the side of the murderer and abuser of disabled people. I don’t tolerate it.

If you don’t know me or this blog, you ought to know that I’m a disabled woman. I have a teenage daughter that’s autistic. I have another teenage daughter with severe ADHD and ODD. I know what it means to have to cope with challenges, and to have my family cope with my disabilities in turn. But disabled or not, with disabled children or not, I wouldn’t accept what’s happened to Matthew Tirado. And you shouldn’t either.

If I seem a bit impassioned here, it’s because I’m feeling emotional. I can’t seem to calm down. I wish there had been an advocate for Matthew. As the investigation goes on, I’ll be following closely. I realize that I AM making some assumptions here, but I haven’t voiced the great majority of them. I just know that a grave injustice occurred and I’m sad and angry and grieving.

 

#MatthewTirado #Justice4MatthewTirado


I took a fall while walking the dog shortly before Christmas. We had some snow, and then of course some ice that packed the snow. It stuck around for several days and during that time I walked the dog on a nice-ish morning before work, and before the last kiddo was awaiting her pick-up. I was picking up the dog’s business and all 55-60 lbs of him noticed a neighborhood lady friend coming towards us on her morning walk. I didn’t feel the tension in the leash change because it was a retractable leash.

While I was tying off the bag of his business, he yanked me over the entirety of a sidewalk AND grass embankment that was covered in snowpack trying to get to this nice lady. I launched through the air, nearly landing my chin on the curb side. I landed flat on my gut and hips, gripping the handle of the leash as hard as possible, trying to pull my arms inward but with him pulling as hard as possible. The wind was knocked out of me, and it was slippery and snowy so I had incredible difficulty standing up. As I looked to my right, I could see my daughter’s ride in the driveway three or four doors away. It felt like a mile or more and I couldn’t get up. Then I saw the lady my dog saw coming closer, trying to help me get the dog calmed down. Luckily she didn’t have her dog with her.

I was incredibly embarrassed, not because of the fall or launching through the air, because my dog is a strong ass puppy, but because my damn body wouldn’t allow me to get up. It felt like I was moving through unmelted butter. Once I did get up, it was agony walking home but I couldn’t stop. The ride couldn’t, or at least wasn’t supposed to leave before I got there.

It was less humiliating, this experience, and more of a humbling experience. It made me realize just how important it is to make sure that every single member of the family maintains command training with Leo every single day at all times. If any of us are lazy in the continued training and maintaining, he won’t obey when it’s important. He didn’t obey me once I was down for the count. He didn’t obey me well once I was up and trying to get him back home; he didn’t obey well when I needed to be able to physically control him the most and couldn’t. He didn’t obey when I needed to get him into the crate so that I could check myself for injury that might need immediate attention. It was a nightmare.

I had a come-to-Jesus with the family later that day once we were all home.

I should have gone to the emergency room that morning, right away, but I didn’t. Next time I fall, I will. And I’ll explain why in a minute.

I went to work instead. I checked myself, but there weren’t any immediate bruises. I was out of breath, and waited to see if that went away. I was able to move my arms and legs, and my neck. My hips were a little sore but I figured that was just a jolt to my arthritis. I didn’t even think about my fall history and how I break bones easily. It just never crossed my mind. I just knew I had to get to work to cover the phones. It was my coworkers who asked why I didn’t go to the ER.

It wasn’t until I got home later and then rested, especially in the evening, that I started to feel the bruising. Every day since the pain in my hips, primarily the left one, is getting worse. The pain in my lower back where the bulging discs are is worse. My sciatic is worse off than it was. I mentioned the fall to my pain management slash back specialist, and we discussed the ER thing; she said to keep an eye on it and she gave me my injections so I could get through Christmas.

At my two week or three week check up, the hip pain was worse. I’ve been procrastinating, but I have the orders to get the X-Rays to check my  hips for fracture and to check the lumbar spine again. I’m starting aquatherapy next week. I’m nervous about what the X-Ray will find, but cross my fingers that it’s nothing but a serious bruising. I don’t know what I’ll do if there’s a fracture. I can’t think beyond. I just know that my left hip causes agony at times, and it’s tender to the bone. Something has to change.

Now, the dog’s training has been reinforced. All I have to do to get him into his crate is talk to myself about the crate and move his water into it. It helps if I pull a treat out of my pocket. He then gets in without a command. I thank him with the treat. He seems to want to have commands again on walks, and receive the praise reinforcement and occasional treats for obeying, so that’s excellent. It just has to remain consistent. That’s so important. If you have a dog, and are disabled, or hey even if you’re not there’s a chance that you or a family member could be in the future it’s so important to maintain training for your dog and to be consistent. Take some classes as a family. The training is for YOU as much as the dog.

And if you fall, and there’s even a chance of a fracture; especially if the pain persists then go to the ER. Get X-Rays done. It’s not a waste if they say you’re fine. You may still need PT or OT. These things are important. Please.


Good morning, Loves. We’ve had a lot of snow over the past week here in Connecticut between last Thursday and Monday or so. My office was closed based on snow days for the city that we’re based in. That was nice. Over the weekend we had snow, which saved my kids some snow days from school. I wish that snow days meant what they did when I was a kid, though.

I’ve had one of the worst flares of pain in my life, and that’s with some of the strongest and best pain management that I’ve had so far. I was bedridden, and thankful that we bought a new mattress over the summer. I wasn’t able to rest more than dozing, even at night. I had to take an actual sick day yesterday, after snow days Thursday, Friday, and Monday, because of a high fever and a stomach bug. THAT is when I finally managed to sleep all day and then all night last night.

Today I feel somewhat rested. I could sleep another day but I also feel as if I could manage working, and so in a few minutes I’m leaving. I really just wanted to leave an update. 🙂

Here’s another update: I’m taking the plunge. I’m literally taking the plunge. Next week I’ll be starting aqua-therapy for the pain in my hips back, and anywhere else. I had the intake appointment last week. Now I need to follow through with getting X-Rays on my hips and lumbar spine to see if the dog managed to fracture my left hip bone and worsen the bulging discs when he launched me in the air like Supergirl back in December. Now I’m not sure if I told that story, so I’ll go back and check. I may have been distracted by my election rage, ha ha.

And it looks like it’s time for me to head to work. Ta, loves. I’ve missed you.

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