Posts Tagged ‘sisters’


Happy Friday [I forgot where I got this image, sorry... I just googled for Lemonade Happy Friday, although I know it's not lemonade ;-)  ]

Happy Friday [I forgot where I got this image, sorry… I just googled for “Lemonade Happy Friday” although I know it’s not lemonade 😉 ]

This morning, Sweet Girl had an apple for breakfast and while munching on that apple she sat on the couch with me and watched the Today Show with me… and she was just so happy.  Since she didn’t have to get up as the asscrack of dawn (aka 6:30) for extended school year bus, she got up at 7:30 with me.  Gracie had me all to herself and she took advantage of it, snuggled up next to me on the couch.

She talked my ear off.  Yes, yes she did.  Because there was no one except Daisy the cat to listen in and interrupt and tell her she was wrong, stupid, to stop talking, to interject with something or other behaving jealously…

She just had Mommy all to herself.

She talked mostly about getting her own android so that she can show me all of the talking she won’t do on it and all of the apps and texting she will do on it.

She wants my phone when I turn it in for an upgrade.

I had to explain that when I turn it in for an upgrade, it will be considered an Old Lady phone and so decrepit it will be useless.  I wait until my phones are useless, with the exception of my last phone when I gave it to my eldest so she could have one when she started middle school.

She tried her darnedest to convince me to get her a cell phone and why she deserves one over her little sister.  You’ll note by the length of the rest of our conversation that it’s about much, much more than the cell phone.  It’s about sisterly relationships.  She must have been ruminating on this for quite some time and trying to figure out how to introduce her problem with her little sister in a way that Mommy would finally Get It.

“But you will give me your phone.”

“No, honey, we talked about this.  A lot.  My phone will be broken when I upgrade.”

“I am old enough.  Anna is not old enough.  I am starting 6th grade.  Anna is not responsible.”

“I already let you use my phone when you want to at home.  What happens during the school day with cell phones?”

“Electronics are NOT ALLOWED.  I would get in trouble if I use electronics.  I would use a Chromebook.  I do not want to get in trouble.  Chromebooks are for school.”

“You’re right.”

“Yes, because it is against the rules to use your electronics in class.  The teacher will TAKE IT” quick swipe of her arms through the air “AWAY!!!”

“I think you’re right.”

“I know.  Do I get your phone when you get a new one?” with a squeal.

“Not yet.  It won’t happen for a while.”

She paused here, and her face darkened.

“What’s wrong, Sweet Girl?”

“Anna thinks she is the boss of me.  She thinks she can tell me what to do.  She thinks she knows everything.”

“Like what? Tell me.”

“She is always saying I will get hurt and, um, she yells and it hurts my ears.”

“Do you get hurt if you don’t listen to her?”

“I… sometimes.”

“Do you want to know a secret about Anna?”

PENSIVE FACE WITH FURROWED BROW… she’s preparing to hear something she doesn’t like.

“Your little sister loves you with her whole heart.  She loves you more than anyone else in the world.  That means that if she thinks you’re not safe she’s going to try to protect you.”

“Hmm.” nods

“And do you want to know why it seems like she thinks she knows more than you?”

“Hmm.” glances at me

“It’s because she remembers some things better than you do sometimes; she remembers how things work a little bit better or that doing something a certain way might get you hurt.  She doesn’t want that to happen.  Right?”

“Hmm.” scowls but nods

“What she wants is to take care of you.  She enjoys that.  She likes to know that you’re safe and happy.  She doesn’t think you’re a little baby or a little kid that she has to take care of.  She just wants to make sure that her big sister doesn’t get hurt and that she’s happy.  Does that make sense?”

“Hmm.”

“She doesn’t like to fight with you.  She hates to fight with you.  It hurts her feelings when you fight.”

“She thinks she is more grown up.  She is not more responsible, I am more responsible.  I am older.  I am going in a middle school.”

“You are definitely learning to be responsible.  You’ve been helping around the house a lot more lately.  You help me when we go shopping together.  You did a great job with the grocery list yesterday.”

“Yes, I did.”

“I think you’re both learning and growing up, and I think your little sister is trying to help you grow up so that you can do it together.”

“She is bossy.  She tells me what to do.”

“Well, do you think that maybe sometimes you tell her what to do too?”

PAUSE

“I think that she’s trying to show you how to do things safely, and you know how she likes things to be ‘just right’ but you know what else? She also wants to do things WITH you so that you’re not alone.”

“Yes.”

“And you know, she just thinks about things in a different way than you do.  Your little sister’s brain works a little differently than your does so she doesn’t always understand what you’re thinking.”

“Yes, yes.”

“It might sound bossy if she thinks that she has to talk more loudly so that you’ll pay attention.  Do you understand?”

“Hmm.”  BIG PAUSE “Juliana is bossy.”

“Well… um… but she’s your big sister and you’re supposed to think she’s bossy.  She’s a leader too.  And not for nothing, honey, but when Mommy and Daddy aren’t here, she’s the boss.”

“Mom, did you hide your Kindle?”

“No honey, it’s plugged in.  Did you want to read today?”

“I don’t know.”

 

 

Oh my gosh, I love this girl.  Dear God, I love my daughters.  Love, love, love.

 

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My Sweet Girl doesn’t like talking on the phone.  Clarifying:  the boring land line which all you can do with is talk on it; the android, which you could speak into in order to have conversations except for the fact that she hates doing that.  She doesn’t like pleasantries, conversations of a fun or serious nature, and doesn’t “get” what’s so great about the entire vocalizing conversations thing.

She much prefers my android and the fun things the phone actually does.  Youtube, Kindle books, Angry Birds.  She looks forward to having her own one day so that she can have Youtube, Kindle books, and Angry Birds and text all of the friends and family that she doesn’t want to speak with.

During the second PPT of the school year I asked her team to build into the social therapies “telephone speaking skills.”  At 11 years old she doesn’t know, or care to know, how to make a phone call on the house phone or the android (or even her dad’s basic phone).  She doesn’t know, or care to know, how to answer any of the phones.  She does know how to view a text I’ve received.  She knows how to open any app that interests her.  She knows how to open up Chrome and do an internet search for My Little Ponies and Frozen and Angel Cat Sugar.  She knows how to do all of these things on my Kindle too.

I wasn’t sure how the social therapy regarding the phone skills was working because she’s still resistant to using the phone, and although I encourage her to take calls that come in for her, I don’t force her to do more than listen to the other person and be polite.  I also don’t force her to make a phone call, although I will have her listen to me make a phone call and watch what I do.  Her response every time is,

“I do not like the phone. I do not… know.”

I get it.  I do.  She has nonverbal learning disorder, and she has some anxiety regarding phone usage because, I’m guessing, telephone conversations generally don’t have an easily identifiable script.  There isn’t an expected beginning, middle, or end.  People say and ask unexpected things and since it’s not face to face, responding more quickly (as opposed to taking some time to respond) feels more urgent and anxiety inducing.

It’s ok.  But it’s still important that she knows how to do these things.  I want her to know how in case she NEEDS to make a call or respond to a call.  Emergencies could happen.  She needs to know emergency contact numbers too, but that’s been a very long difficult lesson that worries her.  We usually have a medical alert bracelet for her with ICE info on it, but the last one broke so it’s time to get a new one.  It helped her feel secure.

So you can imagine my surprise when my youngest princess called me today (as requested) with a grocery list I asked her to help me with.  I asked her if the Sweet Girl had helped make the list, offered suggestions, or anything.  She said no and then forced her sister on the phone.

I fully expected Sweet Girl to drop the phone and walk away.  She didn’t.  She didn’t because with forceful determination, my youngest daughter told her to speak up and tell Mom what she wanted for groceries.  I said “Hello” and asked her what she’d like when I went shopping after work.

Suddenly…

“Ummm… yes.  Tomato.”

“Ok. Tomato… sauce?”

“Yes.  But red soup.  Gramma calls it red soup.  It is red.”

“Great idea!”

“Mmm hmmm, yes.  Sauce.  Your sauce is better.  You need enough.”

“I need enough cans to make sauce AND soup?”

“Yes, you do.”

“Good idea.  What’s next?”

“I need hummus chips.  They are healthy.  I do not like hummus.  Hummus chips are good.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“I need black bean chips.  I do not like black beans.  I do not like texture.  Black bean hummus chips are good.”

“On the list.  Thanks, honey.”

“Chocolate pretzels… uhhh… Special K.  They have the chocolate pretzels I like.”

“Ok, thank you.  Anything else?”

“Yes. Apples.  Strawberries are good.  I do not like bananas.  Anna and Daddy like bananas, I do not like them.  You should buy them.”

“Great, I almost forgot those on the list.”

“Mmm hmmm, yes.  My pretzels, the ones I like.”

“Mustard?”

“Yes, mustard pretzels.”

“Well, should we get veggies? I think those would be healthy.”

“Yes, get veggies.”

I fully expected her to remind me that she doesn’t eat veggies or meat, only fruit and carbs and cheese, so this surprised me.  🙂

“Oh! Well what veggies would you like?”

“Rhubarb.  I miss rhu…rhubarb.  I like cauliflower.  You have to get cheesy, um, the giant one.”

“Sure! We did run out of the cauliflower.”

“We ran out of rhubarb.  Last summer.”

“That too, I hope I can find it.”

“Hmmm, yes.  You should get my fruit bars.  They are frozen.  I like strawberry.  I like lemon.  I want coconut.”

“But the coconut has milk in it.”

“Yes, you say that.  I like strawberry.”

“Do you miss yogurt?”

“I like yogurt.  Get one with chocolate.”

“You’re such a big help on this list honey.”

“Yes.  I need allergy medicine.  And nut clust… clusters.  I runned out of Lactaid.  I need chocolate Chex.”

“We ran out of a lot.  Are you hungry?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think the list is done?”

…..

…..

“Hi Mommy, Gracie just dropped the phone.”

 

Oh! My! Gosh! That girl kept me on the phone for 15 minutes! I complimented her when I got home from grocery shopping, and made sure she saw the healthy foods she added to the list.  She may not eat the majority of the food she PUT on that list, but she created a grocery list! Over the phone! For 15 minutes!

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