I’m “just a mom” to a sweet girl who happens to have Autism Spectrum Disorder. That’s my connection to you, who Googled “I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s.” My daughter is 9 years old and she has ASD. I’m her mom, and I don’t have ASD. I do my best to understand what I can and I hope that I’m doing her justice. My response to you, dear “I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s” is as a mom.
I hope it was only a fleeting emotion. I hope that it isn’t something that consumes you. I hope that one day it’s a part of you that you’re able to not only come to terms with, but accept.
My daughter may only be 9 years old but she has already said on more than one occasion that she wishes she didn’t have Autism. She wishes her brain worked the right way. She wishes her brain didn’t mess up her thoughts. She wishes she were able to think like her sisters. She wishes school weren’t so difficult. She wishes the world didn’t make her feel “so much” because of her sensory problems. She wishes she didn’t have so many worries or fears or anxieties. Of course, she’s not quite so eloquent with her words, but I get her meaning. Her difficult days, her impossible days, well… they’re impossible for all of us. They’re not easy. But when she smiles and her day is good, when her hours are good, the sun is shining no matter how hard it’s raining outside and all is right in the world. I do whatever I can to see that smile.
I would love to take away the negatives for her too… but I love her as she is. So I hope that as she grows, she feels that she can grow into the aspects of herself that are making her life more difficult. I’m proud of her as she learns to cope with life’s curve balls. I’m proud of her as she navigates not only her world, but a world that doesn’t think the same way she does. A world that’s still woefully lacking in being supportive of those who are similar to her.
She’s sweet. She’s creative. She’s artistic. She’s bright and charming and sees the world in a unique way that I appreciate when she decides to share it with me. As difficult as the rest of it is, it would take away the pieces of her that make her Gracie if we took away her Autism. Would she be so charming? So creative? Would her sense of humor be so dry, silly and amusing? Would her sense of style be so unique and varying? Would her written stories and her art work be so creative and well crafted? Would she be so caring? Would she be so persistent? Would she be so bonded with her sisters? Would she have a love of the same subjects and objects and animals and colors? Would she be so vibrant in everything she does? Would she touch so many lives?
No matter who you are, no matter what is part of your person-hood, you are loved and needed and wanted. You are required and necessary in this world. Don’t ever doubt it. That includes your Autism, dear “I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s.”
Take the world by force. Use your Asperger’s to your benefit. You may have Asperger’s Disorder, but it doesn’t have you. You are not Asperger’s, you have Asperger’s. Become your own best advocate. You have more support than you realize.
There’s an entire blog dedicated to you. Please go visit it by clicking on the image below.
- Outrunning The Storm To “I wish I didn’t have Aspergers” #autismpositivity2012 (outrunningthestorm.wordpress.com)
- Spectrummy Mummy to ‘I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers': #AutismPositivity2012 (spectrummymummy.com)
- To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”: An #AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event (30daysofautism.wordpress.com)
- Change Your Mind (trydefyinggravity.wordpress.com)
- The Strengths of Aspergers (eoghann.com)
- To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”: An #AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event (aspieside.com)
- 30 Days of Autism to ‘I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers': a letter to my son #AutismPositivity2012 (30daysofautism.wordpress.com)
- Outrunning The Storm – To #IWishIDidntHaveAspergers – An Autism Positivity Flash Blog Event (outrunningthestorm.wordpress.com)