Whining. It’s not just for desperate housewives! It’s a staple of children of all ages! Toddlers! Preschoolers! Kindergarteners! Elementary schoolers! Middle schoolers! Kids not even in school but ON SUMMER VACATION! Kids that are supposed to be having fun!
Whine! Whining! Whined! Whiner! Let’s call the Whaaaaaambulance! What does whining actually GET anyone? Does it win awards? Does it get Mom to move any faster? Does it get kids what they want?
In this house it gets you either ignored or sent to your room until you can use a socially acceptable voice. Because in this house, while we encourage the use of languages other than English, we don’t encourage Whinese. Nope, not a single bit. In fact, I’ve been known to mock the Whinese. Right to their little whinesing faces.
“I want to go to blahbitty blah blah waaaahhhh!”
“Well, hmmm… you’re whining. What will that get you?”
“Nothing. In this house, whining gets nothing. I HATE YOU MOM!”
You know you’ve made the right parenting move when they resort to “I hate you!” as their argument. That final scraping of the bottom of the barrel is your sign that you did something right. Not only will the whining likely stop (for a little while, anyway) but you made it clear that you won’t be indulging them in the activity or buying whatever outrageously expensive thing that All Of Their Friends Have That They Don’t Have.
Second to whining is moaning. That gets the same treatment.
But oh, combine the two together and you have a whole new parenting hell. Especially when Whoaning is combined with the words, “I’m sooooo boooored! Ooohhh!” There is no cure. Books? No. Video games? No. Playing outside? No and no. That is, not if it’s solitary and your sisters are occupying themselves. And after “I’m sooooo boooored” is released in its hellish whoaning, nothing else is intelligible. It’s all just a ramble of syllables that are supposed to be words curable only by other children or solitary confinement. Okay, maybe not solitary confinement, but that will cure my having to listen to whoaning and whining. They can listen to themselves doing it and maybe get tired of hearing it, especially if they don’t have an audience.
This is why God created siblings, but what do you do when siblings don’t want to play with each other?
Why, you force them of course! And you don’t allow whoaning! Or whining! They’re going to have fun, damnit! And have fun doing it!