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Fibromyalgia Awareness

Fibromyalgia Awareness (Photo credit: Kindreds Page)

New England winters are not for Fibromyalgia sufferers.  I don’t know whether to count this flare up as a new one, or a continuation of what I’ve been feeling for the past month. I get several days in a row of some of the worst pain in various areas of my body on top of my baseline pain, and then a day of relief with nothing but baseline pain.  Then I get up, it hurts to roll over in bed to get out of it, and I feel shock waves of pain as my feet touch the floor.  Reaching to remove the blankets sends rockets of pain through my back and shoulders.  I hobble to the bathroom.  It hurts to get in and out of the shower.  I feel grateful that when we moved in, the previous owners had already altered the tub so that it has handle bars inside on the walls.

As I wash and rinse my hair, I realize that I have a brand new clump of loose hair.  Not the regular that you lose while washing or brushing your hair… but twice or triple that amount.  Even though it happened several days ago instead of like a normal person with a normal amount, monthly.  I try to wash my calves, but it hurts.  I nearly trip getting out of the tub because I realize I can’t lift my legs up high enough.

Advil isn’t working.  Hydrating isn’t working.  Cymbalta isn’t working.  Positive thinking isn’t working.  Cussing isn’t working either.

The biggest insult isn’t the difficulty losing weight.  It’s not even having to use the cane and by the end of a day, hunching over from exhaustion and pain.  It’s when you have clusters of flare-ups and, as a woman, the hair loss is noticeable.  It’s when, as a mother, it hurts to hug your children because your skin is so hyper-sensitive.  It’s when, as a wife, you’re afraid that your husband thinks you’re using your pain as an excuse not to participate in certain aspects of the relationship and chores.  It’s when in spite of living a healthy lifestyle and eating well, you see positive results and think you have it mastered but then the hammer comes down and you get a solid month of, “Yeah, right.”

It’s when you wander in the fogginess at unexpected times, and it makes your usual sharpness and intellect seem dull and fleeting.  Stuttering, flaky moments, long pauses trying to find the right words… things that used to be blamed on Mommy Brain but are too far away from the newborn and toddler days to be Mommy Brain any longer.

The entire disorder is an insult.

I can’t afford to sleep all day.  I can’t afford to eat Advil nonstop.  I can’t afford to push my children and husband away.  I can’t afford to cry and use up all of my tears.  I can’t afford to use up all of the hot water to try to soothe the aching muscles and nerves.

I want a hot tub.

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A steamed tail-on shrimp.

A steamed tail-on shrimp. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here it is, New Year’s Eve, and I’m home with my family.  We’re just relaxing and ticking down time until the ball drops.  Well, the girls are.  The Mister is napping and one girl is starting a bath.  Another is watching a movie on a mini DVD player while the eldest girl makes something with colored duct tape.  Who knew that was a thing? There’s even an after school cluster that teaches middle schoolers how to make usable things out of colored duct tape.  That’s a Pinterest category I hadn’t seen yet, so I’ll have to search for it.  She’d love that.  She had a lot of fun using the duct tape to make a pyramid for a class earlier today.  She’s making bricks out of purple duct tape and applying it to the box she’s supposed to use… but the tape is also being used for practical uses to help hold the thing together too.  I think.  She has little clay canopic jars she made that she has to put apple seeds into, and an apple slice that she mummified in salt last week.

We had a nice dinner, poor man’s version of shrimp scampi ha ha.  It was simple and the shrimp was mini frozen shrimp from WalMart.  I had to use powdered garlic since it’s not a Super WalMart yet and they didn’t have fresh garlic.  :-)  It was filling and pretty good.  Gracie didn’t say a single word during dinner because her mouth was stuffed the entire time.  That’s the biggest compliment on a meal, let me tell you.  The girl who won’t eat anything sitting with a stuffed mouth saying nothing, but humming while she eats and not even caring if butter drips on her chin? Best compliment on a meal.  Truly.  When she finished, she said that her tummy hurt and asked what that meant.  I told her it meant her tummy was full of food and she over-ate.  She scrunched her eyebrows and said, “Hmmm.  Oh.”  That tells you how often she stuffs herself.  :-)

I completely forgot to put out salad.  I even bought banana pepper rings and olives, which Anna now wants to simply eat in a bowl next to chips and salsa.

Me… I’m ready for some Advil Cold & Sinus, green tea, a book, and bed.  Maybe some chips and salsa first.  Or maybe green tea and ice cream.  After all of the snow these past several days, I’m achy and still dealing with a headache with the remnants of the laryngitis.  My body still feels all beat up.   Sleep will be welcome.

Oh, don’t pity me for being home on New Year‘s Eve.  You’re home too.  :-)  But if you go out tonight, please be safe.  Don’t drink and drive.  If you’re buzzed, then you’re drunk.  So don’t drive buzzed.

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I left work late today.  While I was waiting for the car to warm up, I called home to find out everyone had eaten already except Frou Frou. She wasn’t interested in anything in the house.  She was probably detoxing after going back to school from two days home sick.  This morning was a mother of a meltdown because she didn’t want to go back to school.  She’s ready for a vacation, but just had to get through today and now tomorrow.  I did manage to get breakfast into her even though she insisted she wasn’t hungry.  I got her dressed in spite of flailing arms and legs landing bruises in my right side and arm.  I’m fairly certain that my ear drums were blown out and my neighbors could hear the early mornings screams of,

“I AM NOT! GOING TO! SCHOOL! I AM SICK! AAAHHH! YOU SUCK! I HATE YOU!”

“That’s okay, honey.  I know I’m a terrible mom.  But if you don’t go to school when you’re feeling well, that’s called truency and that’s against the law.  But you won’t go to jail, I will.”

“NO! YOU CAN’T GO TO JAIL!”

“Are you sure? I’m a terrible mom, after all.  You hate me.”

::squeaks:: “No I do not. Shut up.”

The bus came a couple of minutes before I was expecting it this morning, and I didn’t see it.  Miss Gracie did see it.  Suddenly, she shouts and grabs her backpack and starts to race out the door shouting,

“THE BUS! I WILL BE LATE! I CAN NOT BE LATE!”

I don’t know if it was the fear of truancy or she really did want to go to school after all, but it was like her butt was on fire.

I did have a productive conversation with her while I cooked supper last night, though.  She was distressed at having to go to school today and kept insisting she wanted to stay sick and would make herself sick if the germs were really gone.  I kept thinking how it was ironic, somehow, that THAT was the long conversation my often-non-verbal daughter was choosing to have.  Since she was chatty, albeit in a foul mood, I took advantage of it.

It’s not really school or her teachers she hates.  She loves her teacher and her friends.  She enjoys most of the subjects.  What frustrates her is that the day is not full of playing.  The work is hard.  Well, yeah… it’s fourth grade!

Worse than hard work and homework is the sensory overload.  It smells different than home.  It sounds different than home.  It’s louder than home.  There are people sounds.  Breathing sounds.  Echoes.  The lights are too brights.  The smells at lunch mix in a gross way.  There are eating sounds at lunch.  There’s shouting and screaming in the hallways.  It’s too cold and windy at recess.  People have eyes and use them to look at her.  She has to keep her coat on so that certain things don’t touch her arms in the wrong way.

And even harder than all of THAT? Is having to hold it all together at school and pretend that everything is all right.  Not wanting to seem different than the other children she refuses to ask for sensory breaks but will accept them when the teacher or her para offer them.

After she unloaded all of this burden last night, she was clearly much more relaxed.  This morning we had round two of that conversation, and I made sure she knew I would tell her teacher about it in the morning e-mail.  That eased her mind, and could be another reason why she willingly got on the bus.

The Mister said that when she got home, she was happy and went to her room.  She didn’t even notice that I wasn’t home.  I’m always the one who gets her off the bus.  She didn’t come down to eat, so on my way home from my late day, I stopped at Subway for the two of us.  She actually ate a fully stuffed Blackforest ham sub.  She’s now sitting and watching My Little Pony with her Daddy and chatting cheerfully about the show and history of Ponies and the types of  Ponies.  I’m grinning ear to ear, because it’s a beautiful sight.

Now I can go to bed, both of us stuffed, and take some Advil for my hurting, aching self.  I “get” to stay home tomorrow with Eldest Girl, who came home early with a fever today and the Worst Cold Ever.  Oh, that was a soap opera all on its own but I’ll save that for later.  The school nurse is on my shit list, suffice it to say.  The Mister said she’s been asleep since 3:30.  It’s almost 8:00.  I’ll wake her at 10:00 for Mucinex, Advil, and melatonin.  :-)  Hopefully, The Littlest won’t have a turn at this fever thing.

 

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Manage My Pain Lite app

I have an app on my phone that helps track my fibromyalgia symptoms.  I added it last week.  It’s called Manage My Pain.  I got the Lite version, which is free, but still very detailed.  It has things in it that I didn’t think of or forgot were related to fibromyalgia.  It’s a great app.  I just have to consistently remember to enter my symptoms as I have them.  I found the app on Google Play. [edit: I forgot to mention that if a symptom isn't already suggested in the app, you can add it in to the list yourself. It's very easy to add things into the app as needed.]

Speaking of symptoms, the fatigue has been hitting me like a Mack truck.  I feel it hit me at 2:30 and if I don’t lay down to nap, I find my eyes burning and nodding off.  It’s a good thing I’m waiting for the paperwork right now to go through in order to go back to my new job.  It’s been going on daily since Friday or Saturday.  When I get the nap, you would think I wouldn’t sleep through the night but I’m still sleeping very solidly through the night.

Chronic Fatigue … I wish I could shake it.  It shakes off briefly when I do an activity, but it reaches a point when I can’t ignore it and the distraction of the activity, the momentum of the activity simply doesn’t work.  Everything becomes too heavy, tired, slow, aching, and so necessary to simply sleep.  CFS.  It’s hard to explain to people that it’s not laziness.

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Fibromyalgia Awareness

Fibromyalgia Awareness (Photo credit: Kindreds Page)

In this segment, I’ll be addressing symptoms that are common with Fibromyalgia.  When I refer to flare-ups, for the most part I’m referring to the severe pain flare-ups and not the daily chronic pain and other daily chronic symptoms.  It’s so much more than the quick sound byte you see on the Lyrica and Cymbalta commercials.  ”Fibromyalgia, thought to be the result of over-active nerves sending widespread pain.”  Or the rheumatologist‘s view: it’s a musculoskeletal disorder that causes pain in the joints and muscles/fibrous parts of the body.

That’s only if you can find doctors that will recognize it as legitimate.  Yes, it’s true.  A great many doctors believe that it doesn’t actually exist.  You can’t take a blood test for it.  You can’t do a scan for it.  You can’t do an X-ray or an ultra-sound.  There’s no visible cause for the pain.

If there’s an old injury that hurts much more than it should, there’s no explanation for why it hurts more than it should if at all.  The only explanation is the disorder of Fibromyalgia itself.  And the only “test” is putting pressure on the 18 tender points on the body but it’s not 100% reliable.  Many doctors aren’t even aware of that test (I wish I were making that up). The pain is much more than “joint and muscle pain.”  It goes far beyond aching, but that’s a place to start in description.  Imagine  a full body workout with weights on top of jogging at the gym after not working out for years.  Not only that, but you go for a swim.  When you get up the next morning, imagine how your body feels.  Except in addition to that, imagine the “cracking your knuckles” feeling in your knees, neck, shoulders, and back.  Imagine that nearly every morning when you get out of bed, simply stepping on the floor sends rockets of pain from the bottoms of your feet up through your calves, aching and pressing at the same time, partly due to the pressure and partly due to the temperature of the floor.  Slippers can only moderately cushion the sensations.  You hobble to the bathroom, sciatic area already aching, the light too bright, and you brace yourself for having to sit on the porcelain throne.  Why? That hurts too.

But it’s very important to note that Fibromyalgia affects everyone differently.  So very, very important.  As I’ve mentioned before, it’s sort of a spectrum-y disease.  It can be worse for some people when they’re still in their teens and twenties, or it might not be diagnose-able until they’re in their 30′s and 40′s.  It ends up being a disease diagnosed by exclusion of other diseases as well as the symptoms that you do have.  But because it’s so different for everyone, that means that not everyone copes the same way.  Not everyone’s pain is the same.  Not everyone has the same abilities or disabilities.  What works for one doesn’t work for others.

I had someone over the weekend criticize me for still not having found a job yet.  Yes, I’ve been job hunting.  Emphatically.  She said,

“You know that So-And-So also has Fibromyalgia, right? Well, she has a full time job.  She works all day every day! She takes care of her family AND SHE WORKS! If she can do it then you can too!  So why can’t those people helping you try to find a job find you a job?”

There are so many things wrong with that statement, but my point here for the moment is that she didn’t really grasp the concept that Fibromyalgia is such an individual disease.  So-And-So’s symptoms may not be as progressive as mine are, or she may have her symptoms under better control or medications are working better for her.  It could be any number of things.  She may be more progressive than I am, and she’s just not letting on that she needs to cut back her hours at work and is suffering through her days while her weekends are her time to detox.  Who knows? Some people are crippled by this disease and can’t get out of bed.  Others can climb mountains.  [/end rant]

Diet can be a Very Big Deal in handling symptoms.  A natural diet with little in the way of preservatives, artificial sweeteners, artificial food dyes, staying hydrated, avoiding foods that are allergen triggers, avoiding foods that cause digestive upset depending on the person… all can help reduce flare-up frequency, flare-up duration, and flare-up intensity.  Diet can trigger a flare-up.  For instance, I have to avoid foods that tend to be associated with Diverticulosis and Diverticulitis.  I will get the symptoms of Diverticulosis.  I was actually hospitalized for that a year ago this past October.  That means I need to avoid foods with the whole grain, seeds, nuts (which I’m already allergic to), and other foods I know I’m allergic to.  No cucumbers, no seedy tomatoes, no strawberries or raspberries or blackberries.  It will trigger severe digestive upset, and that will also trigger full body flare-up of pain.  Controlling the diet has helped reduced the severity of my symptoms.

So like my daughter Gracie, I’m following a modified Feingold Diet.  I’m also finding that if I reduce lactose in my diet, the flare-ups and digestive upset are reducing in severity.  The more I know!

I’ve also found that yoga can help with some of the symptoms.  I try to do yoga daily, but on days when I’m having a terribly bad flare-up the yoga can make it worse.  Yoga in general, however, is a wonderful benefit for Fibromyalgia.

FIBROMYALGIA

Heat therapy, hot showers, and water therapy (swimming) are also wonderful although admittedly not always as effective as I would like.  Unfortunately, there’s no cure.  What has helped the most is recognizing the symptoms and why I have them.  Sometimes all you can do is treat the symptoms.  I’ve actually found that I have less anxiety now knowing why I have all of these chronic problems, and I can address them as they occur, such as making sure I take good care of my eyes by keeping my prescription updated and wearing transition lenses.  I avoid foods that will trigger eczema, since when the eczema flares up so do my pain symptoms.

Anyway.  Common symptoms that you may have noticed over the years but not associated as belonging together because of the nature of Fibromyalgia being a disease that affects every major system of the body (not all of these symptoms will appear all at once or even in the same week but can be spread out AND most importantly not everyone will have all or even most of these symptoms, especially early on in the disease):

  • Widespread Pain in joints and muscles
  • Muscle Weakness
  • Morning Stiffness
  • Back Pain
  • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
  • Vision Problems
  • Nausea
  • Sleep Disorders
  • Urinary and Pelvic Problems
  • Weight Gain and difficulty losing weight
  • Dizziness
  • Chronic Headaches (migraines and tension)
  • Chronic Cold Symptoms
  • Temperomandibular Joint Dysfunction Syndrome
  • Multiple Chemical Sensitivity Syndromes
  • Fibrofog“: Cognitive or Memory Impairment
  • Skin Complaints
  • Chest Symptoms
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Dysmenorrhea
  • Aggravating Factors
  • Myofascial Pain Syndrome
  • Muscle Twitches
  • Memory Loss
  • Weather Changes affecting flare-ups
  • Troubles Breathing
  • Asthma
  • Food Allergies and Intolerances
  • FIBROMYALGIA (Photo credit: *SHESHELL*)Seasonal and Contact Allergies
  • Fainting feeling upon standing up from sitting position
  • Digestive problems similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome
  • Irritable Bladder
  • Swelling in the hands and feet
  • Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise
  • Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long
  • Sensory Processing Disorder
  • Jaw and facial tenderness
  • TMJ aka  Temporomandibular Joint Disorder
  • Tinnitus (ringing in the ears, and can be constant or can signify an oncoming or worsening flare-up)
  • Hair Loss
  • Numbness or tingling in extremities
  • Injury “memory” (old injuries that are healed still cause “phantom” pain for no apparent reason)
  • Barometric pressure changes affect body pain and headaches
  • Sensitive to blood sugar levels and dehydration
  • Compromised immune system: frequent illnesses and infections

You can see why, from this list of symptoms, people have a hard time understanding why Fibro is so serious.  They don’t know about all of these different issues that affect daily life.

If you suffer from Fibro, one of my best pieces of advice is to keep a journal.  A portion should be an activity journal and a portion should be a food journal.  Keep track of how much sleep you’re getting, how much fluid you’re taking in, as well as the weather changes that occur around flare-ups.  You’ll begin to notice patterns in your general health as well as what may trigger your flare-ups and makes them worse.

Talk to your doctor about getting to a Rheumatologist.  For now, that’s what we have.  We don’t have a Fibromatologist, but a Rheumatologist.  Be a pain in the butt until you find one that will take you and listen to you.  Arm yourself.  Walk in with a full list of your symptoms and how long you’ve been feeling them.  Write everything down so that you don’t forget everything.  You have to go in sure of yourself.  Be open to back and forth discussion, but make sure that you have a clear idea of your medical history.

 

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Over the past year and a half or two years, I’ve been learning more and more about Fibromyalgia.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I fully believe that it’s not simply a muscular-skeletal disease, but a full-body one.  It’s not simply joint and muscle or nerve pain.  And it’s not just “pain.”  It’s chronic, daily-or-nearly-daily pain.  Some days/weeks/months are better than others, some days/weeks/months are worse than others in flare-ups that are incapacitating.  I know I shouldn’t have to put a disclaimer since this is my blog and I never claim ever to be a medical professional (because I’m not) nor an expert on Fibromyalgia or Autism (because I’m not), I’m just someone who lives with Fibromyalgia and has a daughter who is autistic.  I’m trying to open up a dialogue, and much of what I’m writing is opinion.  As I often do, I express my opinions as statements and will not qualify them every time as, “I believe…” or “I experienced this _____” because that’s a space waster and it’s implicitly implied.  As for the clinical and statistical stuff, I’m hoping that Google will be your friend.  If I’m not entirely certain of a fact and can’t locate the source at the moment, I’ll try to mention that.

ANYWAY.

When you see someone with Fibromyalgia you won’t see bodily damage or a physical deformity due to the fibro.  Because fibro is a sneaky little bitch.  There’s no clear outward sign that someone has Fibromyalgia.  Someone enduring a flare-up or coming out of particularly bad one might appear puffy in the face and lymph nodes, but it’s subtle.  They might be walking carefully, more slowly than usual, and taking extra care not to strain the back and shoulders.  You might notice them rubbing their wrists and thumb joints absently as they smile wearily.  You might not understand why they’re always tired, even if they don’t work 70 hour weeks and their children aren’t toddlers any more.   They might choose the most comfortable, out of the way chair to sit in and appear to refrain from joining in the excitement of physical social activity as much as they used to, not to the point of being rude, but to the point to make you wonder.

What I’ve come across, if I happen to mention my fibro to someone, is a knowing sort of look as if I’ve chosen the fad disease of the moment and am using it as an excuse somehow.  There’s just so much more to it than that.  It’s estimated that only 1-to-2% of the population in Britain (I think) and 3-to-6% in the U.S. has Fibromyalgia.  I suspect more than that, because not enough doctors specialize in it and most doctors can’t agree as to which “specialty” ought to claim Fibromyalgia.  I suggest that rather than fob it off onto Rheumatologists or Neurologists or Internists that include Fibromyalgia in their list of specialties, there be specialists trained to be Fibromyalagists.  I think I just made up a word.  :-)

Bodily systems that are also affected are the immune system, the neurological system, the digestive system, myofascial and central nervous systems, the muscular-skeletal system, the endocrine system, the reproductive system, the muscular system, the eyes.

English: Tender Points in Fibromyalgia.

Tender Points in Fibromyalgia

A great majority of the individuals diagnosed with Fibromyalgia are women.  I believe the statistic is something like 90% of those diagnosed with fibro are female versus only 10% male.  Researchers are unsure as to why, but estrogen versus testosterone might be part of the reason.  In addition, women feel pain differently than men do.  Ah, I found a link that supports that.  I knew I had read it somewhere.  The article I’ve linked to also mentions that women have more tender points than men as well (click here).  

There are 18 trigger points that a doctor can press on to see if there’s a “reaction” of sorts.  It’s like a joint compression being placed on certain areas and those with fibro may feel excessive and jolting pain, bone deep, hitting the nerves like lightning.  When my pressure points were tested, I was shaky and I cried and was lightheaded.  I couldn’t even speak.  I had no idea what the doctor was doing, so when he did it I was just floored (almost literally).  I was shaky for days afterward.  Every single trigger point felt like it was sending me through the Sun and vibrating my bones while doing it.

In general living symptoms are different for everyone and can run a spectrum of mild leading someone to not even seek out a diagnosis of any kind (that was me for years and years) all the way up to severe.  Some people are lucky enough to be diagnosed as young as in their teens or twenties, recognizing early on that something isn’t quite right.  Others, like me, find out much later in their 30′s and have to rely on medical history and memory to recognize the patterns.  Hindsight is 20/20, you know? And of course there are some who are diagnosed later than I was, and some who are never diagnosed at all even though the pain is debilitating.  But that spectrum of symptoms and the stage medical science is in with its research of Fibromyalgia means that it’s much the same way Autism was viewed 15 years ago when people didn’t know what it was and figured it was just a problem with parenting and there was much misinformation about what Autism “looks like.”  There’s still a lot of misinformation out there about Autism Spectrum Disorder but there’s full-fledged research going on… and specialists dedicated to Autism.

Wait, I lost my train of thought.  What was my point?

Oh yes… the research isn’t advanced enough on Fibromyalgia and while there seems to be a lot of information out there ::waves arm around at cyberspace:: and ::waves arm around at blurbs in medical textbooks:: it’s all spread out.  There isn’t one reliable place to go ie. a single group or type of Fibromyalgia specialists.  You might find a pocket here and there where someone specializes somewhat in fibro, but it’s rare.  They’re difficult to find locally and difficult to make appointments with.

When I describe the symptoms that are associated with Fibromyalgia, you might better understand why I think we need something like a Fibromyalagist.  Someone who can work with Neurologists, Internists, Rheumatologists, Psychiatrists, Gastroenterologists, Allergists, Endocrinologists, Pathologists, General Practitioners, Orthopedists, Pain Specialists, Obstetricians, Dermatologists, Ophthalmologists, Fertility Specialists, ad nauseum.  You know, working as a team… but also someone who any of these doctors that suspects fibro but isn’t dedicated to it can refer someone to The Specialist That Deals Only With Fibromyalgia.  The Fibromyalagist who has nutritionists, physical therapists, occupations therapists, counselors, and fibro-friendly General Practitioners on hand for their clients.

I realize this is a lot all at once, so I’ll be having a Part 2 soon.  I promise.  I’ll get a bit more detailed on actual symptoms and how Fibromyalgia is cyclic, and the nature of oh-so-lovely triggers.  Please feel free to ask questions and add comments of your own to this post.  Any contribution is welcome.  There’s also a reason I dragged Autism into this, which I’ve mentioned before in a guilt-ridden blog entry nearly a year ago, but I’ll get into that into the Nitty Gritty Fibro series I plan to continue.

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#Fibro - Awareness Day

#Fibro – Awareness Day (Photo credit: sand625)

People who are not me and are otherwise intelligent are allowed to have brain farts, right? I mean, in theory they are.  That doesn’t mean I can’t be frustrated as an 18/20 trying to squeeze into an 8/10 on a 98* day when my doctor‘s nursing assistant can’t understand a simple request and why I’m requesting it even though I explained it repeatedly.  Maybe it’s because so many medical specialists still view Fibromyalgia as the medical version of the F*bomb? I don’t know.  I just want to smack people sometimes.  I hate people today.

I need a single page in my file from a single appointment showing that we had a particular conversation.  I need her to sign paperwork that she’s aware of certain other doctors I see for chronic issues as well.  I need it to give to a BRS counselor this week to help prove my fibromyalgia and history since my dink gastroenterologist decided to withhold the diagnosis portion of my file, pack up his practice and not have someone take over his practice, and sell vitamins and supplements as his calling instead.  Don’t get me started.  I may have blogged about this already anyway.

I’m so sick of people not willing to help me right now.  I had another doctor tell me that she didn’t feel comfortable going into detail for the paperwork because she’s not the one treating me and didn’t diagnose me for fibro.  What was worse, though, was that she told me that because of her profession her default position on Fibromyalgia is that it’s completely psychosomatic anyway.  I think I started off my schooling of fibro with, “Excuse me, really???”

I can’t find a rheumatologist willing to take me on as a patient either, but the more I learn about fibro and the more I learn about my own symptoms, the less I think it’s really something a rheumatologist can treat anyway.  It’s muscular-skeletal, yes, but it’s a disease that affects the entire body and is immune-suppressing as well.  It affects nerves, joints, muscles, immune system, nervous system, digestive system, neurology, neuropathy, vision, and more.  A rheumatologist can only really treat one aspect of the disorder.  That’s why people go to so many doctors for so many years covering issues with virtually every system before a doctor figures out the patterns and puts it together.

One of these blogs I’m going to have to list all of my symptoms that come and go the ones that I have on a daily basis.

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Transitions.  Transitions suck.  I detest them because my daughter detests them.  Because of our difficulty with transitions on a daily basis I’ve come to despise school vacations with a passion.  My daughter already hates school because she has to transition from sleeping to waking and from indoors to outdoors and from the bus to off the bus into the school.  Granted, she does really well leaving school and coming home.

Just to give you an idea, she also hates leaving home to go just about any place else.  We have to use very strong motivation to get her to go almost anywhere that isn’t home, including playing in the yard outside.  Being in the house is comfortable and safe and stable.  Things don’t change much.  The lights, scents, colors, and textures don’t change at all.  The sounds are within her control for the most part.  Anywhere else, those things are out of control completely.  There are only a few other safe places to her, but we still need to coax her to get to those places most times because of the transition it takes to get there.

You can well imagine now why we have such issues every single morning getting ready for school.  Even if I home schooled her, I suspect we would have this problem.  Although if I home schooled her she would want to play video games all day long and wouldn’t comply with the program, let alone the fact that I would have no idea how to educate her.

When we have school vacation, or even just a day off from school due to a teacher inservice day or a sick day, it throws off our entire routine.  We have our home routine and school day routine, and once we get her involved in the school routine she does get invested in it.  The difference is she’s much  more emotionally invested in the home routine even if she feels as if she MUST follow through with whatever routine she starts.  That’s one benefit of the need for routine when it comes to transitions.

The last two mornings haven’t been pleasant.  Yesterday was simply… tragic.  She gets so distressed at the fact that she’s awake even when she wakes up on her own, and then the thought that she has to get out from under the covers.  She becomes combative over beginning the routine.  She screams insults and edicts, and hurts her own ears and body.  I can commiserate on some level since I’m going through a particularly difficult Fibromyalgia flare-up of my own since Sunday.  Everything feels excessive to me, and I’m having some trouble handling the physical parts of her lashings out.   Today was better for Gracie than yesterday was, and luckily once she does get to school she hops off the bus and actually SKIPS TO CLASS.

She freaking skips.  She skips into her class room with a smile.  This happens most mornings, I’m told.  She’s a pleasure to have in class.  When I have to visit the school for one reason or other and I happen to see her in the hallways she’s always looking happy.  She used to get so distressed at seeing me at school whether it was planned or not that I’d have to take her home with me.  She fusses a bit now, asks if she’s supposed to come with me, but if I say no there aren’t tantrums.  Of course if I do have to pick her up for an appointment she’s ecstatic to leave and that transition is nearly seamless except for the fact that it’s an appointment and not coming directly home.  Unless we’re going to her Auntie Tracy’s house.  Any time we go there it’s a perfectly seamless transition.  Every single time, because her best friend Ella is there.

Anyway, it’s not as if she actually hates school.  I know that when she screams in my face and is kicking and flailing at me that she hates school every morning that what she means is she hates the transition process no matter how gentle we try to make it.  We have some good mornings, but statistically they’re the opposite of good.  Especially after school vacations.

Therefore, eff you school vacation.  Especially Spring Break, since Summer Vacation isn’t very far off and February Vacation wasn’t very long ago and we had to deal with that shit barely two months ago.

Eff you unkindly.

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Cadbury's Mini Eggs

Cadbury's Dark Mini Eggs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been praying that the weather would warm back up soon, and the last few days have been gloriously sunny and pretty.  They’ve reached the low 50*s and been comfortable, which has been better on my poor joints and bones.  Stress always pushes that back a bit and of course makes my flare-ups worse, but with warmer weather I can sit in the sun and feel a lovely natural warmth loosen the pain a little bit.

Tonight or tomorrow, we’re supposed to get some much-needed rain.  Connecticut has been red-flagged for being severely high risk for brush fires and worse since it’s so dry and we’re in a rain deficit, partly because of the mild winter.  But I’ll be honest… I’m dreading it.

I’m dreading the migraine and the body pain, especially since I’m coming out of a moderate flare-up already.  I’ll be sure to take my Vitamin B-Complex and stay hydrated, and of course “get enough sleep” is always on my calendar.  But I know what’s coming if the weather men are right.

What am I saying? How often are the weather men really right? My body is right more often than they are.

My real saving grace is yoga.  Ease the back, the hips, the shoulders… redirect the stress and nervous energy.  Bring oxygen to the muscles.  ::sigh::  Pretend that it worked better than it did.  Tolerate it because I have to and there’s no alternative.  Then raid the girls’ Easter baskets.

No, not that part.  I have my own chocolate.  My favorite Easter candy is the Cadbury Mini Egg.  I love those little bits of sweet-smelling crusty sugar coating smooth chocolate.  I love the purple ones.  Chocolate makes me happy and there’s a scientific reason!!!! yes! a legitimate reason! to eat chocolate! I swear! I don’t have the research handy at the moment, but that would be a great post.

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The combination of watching the news and listening to Christian Holiday Radio on Pandora is turning me into a blubbery, emotional mess this morning.  It doesn’t help at all that for the past several days I’ve been having pain flare-ups which have in turn triggered flare-ups with the diverticulitisLow residue diet including green tea helps, but today my nausea is bad enough to make me gag and I can’t leave the house.

::sigh::

I’m really not entirely certain what triggered the flare-ups this time, other than the weather.  My diet has been pretty tame.  We had some awful weather with the rain, and in the space of just a day the temperature dropped 20 degrees.  My body really doesn’t like the cold or the rapid drops in barometric pressure.

I know it’ll be a difficult day when I put my feet on the floor out of bed and there’s immediately pain.  It feels as if I ran a marathon and fractured something in my feet, and the pain travels up my legs into my hips joints.  There’s a tightness in my shoulders and neck, and a headache stems from that.  Right now I feel as I often do by 5:00 PM and it’s only noon.

There’s a bright spot, though.  Staying hydrated helps.  I drink a lot of water.  I eat healthfully while avoiding my trigger foods.

And  yoga.  I start out with something light.  Stretch first.  Always stretch first.  I do some yoga exercises that I learned in physical therapy a few years ago before I had my breast reduction that actually help lubricate/loosen my joints.  Then I’m able to do some household chores, rest a bit, and then do some more intense yoga to help loosen some more and relax more easily.  I don’t have any narcotics to ease the pain.  I have to minimize my use of over-the-counter pain meds so as not to cause kick-back headaches and other aches from using those too much.  I also don’t want to mask symptoms that would need to be reported in an emergency or during treatment.  The yoga helps with easing anxiety, stretching muscles, flexing joints, even breathing.  It helps create more awareness about my body.  It also helps my posture.

So here’s hoping that today is a day that the yoga helps, rather than irritates, my flare-up.

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